Everything I Need
by edwardcullenissosexy
Summary: One of Bella Swan's only friends, Alice, has a twin brother named Edward. Bella has always been annoyed by Edward and his immature antics, but what happens when her feelings change and she falls in love with him? How will Alice react?
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay, all readers, this is my first all human story, so I'm nervous. I would appreciate reviews to encourage me please. Thanks. **_

_**Unfortunaty for you, I usually have long pointless notes, so sorry. Sometimes they contain important stuff, but mostly they are just random drabbles or stuff said to my friends. **_

"Hey, Alice, sorry I'm late," I said when she opened the door. She had invited me over for the day to hang out and go swimming at her neighborhood pool. Over the course of the day, we wound up talking for hours, just the kind of thing girls do.

We did have a lot to catch up on though, we hadn't seen each other since school had ended. I was happy to just be with her again. I was usually very shy, and didn't make friends easily. I had moved here to Forks, Washington recently because my mother got remarried. Angela had been in all of my classes on my first day of sophmore year, and after sharing something about ourselves in fifth period, we sat next to each other in History and had clicked instantly. We have been friends ever since. Alice was Angela's friend and in most of my classes as well, but I had never taken the time to get to know her. Sometime towards the middle of the year, we became friends, and the next year we had most of the same classes and became closer. This surprised me. I had gone from no friends to two that were probably the best you could ever ask for. My mom of course was my friend, and we were very close, but it wasn't the same.

We laughed for hours, and my cheeks hurt from smiling. We had gone downstairs at some point to get drinks and had wound up with a new subject to talk about and had laughed at her table for a while. It had annoyed her twin brother, Edward, who was trying to read, quite a lot. Other than that, Edward hadn't even acknowledged us. Normally he tried to make his sister's friends miserable, picking on them and teasing them. He had tried to trip Angela and I in school quite a few times.

"Girls, you planning on going to the pool?" Esme, Alice's mom, asked us. We nodded, and after talking for a few more minutes, then got ready to go. Alice and I were walking, Esme and Edward driving.

I noticed that I was blushing more than usual, concerned about how I looked, and trying to give her family a good impression of me. I wasn't sure why, I had been over to her house before. Esme and Edward had gotten in the pool after us, and were tossing a pool toy around. When Alice and I joined, I had embarrassed myself by being a suckish tosser.

We played around for a bit longer, having fun, occasionaly joining Esme and Edward, or just talking. Of course, Edward must comment on this... something about why do girls talk so much or who gets in the pool just to talk.

Charlie, my dad, needed me home too soon. The time seemed to past way too fast. I still had about an hour before he would come to pick me up, but we decided to go back to the Cullen house.

And then the moment that would change my life... Edward got out of the pool. I really _noticed_ him for the first time. He had gotten tanner over the summer and you could see his stomach muscles flex as he gathered his shirt. His hair was wet and dishevaled and he wasn't wearing his glasses. (he had not worn glasses before, he wore contacts, but in the sun it had a completly dazzling effect.)

From that moment on, I couldn't stop thinking about him. He really was the perfect guy, even if he could occasionally be rude. He was smart, funny, tall, and atheletic. He was cute in a not-that-noticable way. He liked to read, and he wasn't perverted like most high school boys. The only thing really wrong with him was that he could sometimes be obnoxious, but that was only to his sister's friends. He was usually nice.

OH MY GOSH! I had a crush on Edward Cullen, my best friend's brother. What do I tell Alice?

_**I know that that wasn't the best first chapter in the world, but I hope it was at least okay, and good enough for you to want more. So... review please. It would make me feel special!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I feel like I'm writing Seeing Double all over again. You people leave the best reviews. I'm all tingly and jumpy! I think I'm in love... lol. :) Thanks so much. So, it's late at night, but you people are inspiring me. I'm not sure if this is any good, and I'm trying but I'm not positive what to do in the chapter. Like I said before, I know where I want to go, but I'm not sure how to get there. Glad you think this could make a great story, sorry if I mess it up (no, bad, quit being negative. dont worry, be happy : ) So, here it is... **_

_Edward's hand wrapped around mine as we walked along the edge of the trees. I leaned into him and I felt his arm wrap around my cold body and instantly felt warmer. _

_"Thanks," I blurted out for some reason. His eyebrows pulled together and confusion washed across his handsome to me face. _

_"For what?" _

_"For driving me home, carrying my books inside, walking with me..." _

_"It's no problem, Bella. I love doing stuff for you." He smiled a beautiful crooked smile and my heart melted. I couldn't help but smile back. We turned around and began walking back towards my house because it was getting late and we had homework to do. And walking wasn't studying. _

_The walk back to my house was consumed with a comfortable silence. When we reached my door, Edward reached for the key that he already knew the location of. He unlocked the door, replaced the key and opened the door for me. He was such a gentleman. How could I have not noticed before? _

_While we worked, I sat near him. Our hands would occasionally brush, sending electric like shocks through me. Eventually, it became to late, my dad would be home soon and I didn't want another twenty-question session with Edward that seemed to always happen when Charlie and Edward were in the same room. _

_After he had gathered his things, he stood up and made his way towards the door. I followed. _

_"See you tomorrow, Bella," Edward told me as he leaned in the doorway. _

_"Kay," I mumbled, he grinned. He slowly brought his face closer to mine. I leaned closer, anticipating the kiss and the sweet taste of his lips. _

I glared at the rare sunlight that shone through my window. The sunlight that had woken me up too early, had woken me up, preventing me from kissing Edward, even if it was only a dream.

I was still confused about my feelings, trying to figure out if I actually liked him or if I had just observed that he looked good and put the rest together. I hadn't told anyone, but I had been hinting about it to Angela. She of course kept bugging me about it. Really though, who wouldn't?

I sighed. There was no use lying to myself, I like him. Way more than I should.

I was going to tell Angela today. She had already randomly guessed. I just hadn't answered and had avoided the question. I had to tell her now.

I drug myself out of bed and turned on my slow computer before going getting breakfast and brushing my hair and teeth. Charlie had already left for work, so I had the house to myself, something I enjoyed immensely. By the time I got back to my room, the computer had fully loaded. I pulled up the internet and logged onto my email, half afraid of what would be waiting there from Angela.

**'Listen here you wack job, I looked up that hint you gave me, and Edward is the only one that fits. I'm assuming its him unless you tell me otherwise...'**

I groaned.

'**You're right. All right. I like him. What on earth should I do, he's ALICE'S TWIN!' **

I didn't expect to get a reply so soon, but it was there after I Xed out of a reply to Alice. I felt guilty talking to her. I wasn't sure what she would think, or how she would react if she found out. I didn't want to loose one of the only friends I had because of a boy, but I was undeniably attracted to her brother.

**'Um, oh, uh, well, in my opinion, I don't know what you see in him (no offence) and he's annoyed me too much for me to get you're attraction to him but... you're my friend, and I can't be mad at you for your likes and dislikes. Even if it is **_**Edward**_**. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that, bad habit. **

**Okay, here's what you do:  
1. Does anyone else know?  
2. Are you prepared to admit to HIM that you like him?  
3. You calm down, take a few breaths. **

**Seriously, it's gonna be okay.' **

I smiled. Angela always knew what to do. Even if her comments about Edward bothered me slightly. I did as she said and took a deep breath. I contemplated her questions. I had told my mom, but no one else. WAS I prepared to admit that I liked him? I doubted it.

I typed back an honest reply and then stressed over the issue with her until she had to go. It helped and made everything worse at the same time.

Deep breath, Bella. Deep breath. I opened a new email and began, not putting in an address just yet.

**hgoetrh**_**i**_**hgiew**_**think**_**kfed**_**i**_**fhabngo**_**like**_**gnkswppqfba**_**your**_**hifapqabvcna**_**brother**_**gebogbtinvie. **I was about to click 'Alice Cullen' on my address book when I chickened out, even if I doubted she would even understand it. I clicked out and shut down the computer.

I decided I didn't want to get dressed today and picked out a book to read. I crawled back into bed and let the words and pages wash away the worry, and let the emotions of the story overwhelm me. I was no longer Bella with a crush on her best friend's brother. I was the character and the most I had to worry about was what would be on the next page I flipped.

I ate lunch, fixed dinner for Charlie, and took a shower but I stayed in my room most of the day. I clicked off my light when I glanced at the clock and noticed it was after two o'clock. My hair was still wet from my shower earlier even though it had been hours. I pulled it up behind me so it fanned out on the pillow.

I moved one pillow so I could hug it and fell asleep imagining the dream from the night before, trying to force my mind to have the same dream again, without sunlight interruptions this time.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: thanks to everyone that has me on author alert. I love you all! **__**Oh, and if you like the dream in last chapter, thanks. Sorry, for those that read all my stories, I tend to do dreams a lot in my story. Sorry again. Uh, here it is. **_

_**Kasey**_

The rest of the summer progressed slowly and quickly at the same time. We were already three weeks into school now and the time kept speeding up and slamming to a halt at random times.

Alice and I talked as we walked to the cafeteria and stood in line. Angela waved us over when she saw us and we took our trays to her seat.

"So, are we still studying together tonight?"

"Yep, my house right?" Alice said. This morning we had rode together to school so we could go to her house that afternoon. And since Angela (purposely) called shot gun, guess where I got to sit? In the back seat. With Edward. Edward kept complaining about not being able to drive, but Alice wouldn't listen. Everytime he mentioned something, she turned the country music up louder. Edward hated country music. I couldn't help but laugh. Angela had her hand over her mouth to stiffle a giggle.

He glared at me. "What are you laughing at?" I grinned.

"You." He rolled his eyes but his bright green eyes shone with playfullness.

"So Bella, Angela, you think this is funny?"

We nodded.

"Well, I'll just have to make sure I drive extra fast next time you're in the car."

Alice glanced in the rear view mirror and narrowed her eyes.

"What makes you so sure your driving?"

"It's _my _car too you know."

"Yes, but if I tell mom about your driving skills, it won't be." He pouted.

"Well can I at least sit up front next time, I'm taller than all of you."

"NO! You'll mess with the radio!"

"And if you don't quit threatening my friends, you'll be riding to school on the bus."

He shook his head but decided against arguing any further. He leaned his head back and sighed.

He groaned after a few minutes of silence in the car. We all turned to look at him.

"We have chem homework!" _**(I can see human Edward doing this. It's really cute... awww. Jill, I know this is ooc, shut up.) **_

We all laughed.

"You can study with us if you want." Angela told him. I glared at her. Alice shot her a glance as well.

"What! I'm_ trying_ to be nice. Eddie here isn't always but that doesn't mean _we_ can't be. _**(wth, NEW SONG! I'VE NEVER HEARD THIS. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM! sorry, I have the tv on a music channel, to drown out the awful music the construction workers are playing. I'm not sure if I like it... Jill and Steph, what do you think of Montgomery Gentry's new song? I guess it's ok.) **_Shouldn't we be civil? We are senior now. It's time to grown up... Be mature adults. And so I am inviting your brother to study with us."

"Wow, Angela, I thought you hated me."

"I do." He scrunched his eyebrows.

"Whatever. I'll never understand girls."

"So you gunna study with us or not? Gosh, you try to be nice..."

"Fine. I'll do it. Mostly because I have nothing better to do."

The rest of the ride we all chatted about our classes, trying to include Edward. But of course, Edward had to pick on Angela.

"So, how are things going with Ben..."

"Shut up. You know I haven't asked him out yet."

"Yes, but you asked him to dance last year at prom." Edward mumbled.

"Alice! You told him!"

"He was in the room when I told my mom..." Angela groaned.

"Ang, your a senior now, you said it yourself. _**(May I just say OMG! Even if you don't like country, you must admit that JESSICA SIMPSON DOES NOT BELONG. Argh, her song gets on my nerves) **_Be brave." I told her, she smiled.

"You've like him for two years but haven't really done anything about it. Maybe you should..." Alice told her.

"She's right, Angela." I said. She motioned for me to come closer so she could whisper something in my ear.

"I'll do something about it when you do."

"Fine. Dropping subject." I said.

"Hey, what's with the secrets?"

"Girl stuff." Edward frowned.

"Then why don't I know!" Alice demanded, mad.

"I really don't want to say this in front of your brother, but I was just telling her about the number, and that phone, and that answering machine...."

"Oh." She had gotten Ben's number and had tried to call him over the summer. Of course I already knew this, but she needed a cover story. I wasn't ready to tell her about my thing for Edward. Edward who I was sitting right next to.

We got to the Cullen house and spread our books out on the floor.

We did have a lot of work. I usually tried to stay caught up, but we had all gotten behind, thus this studying session.

"Great, so how did you get the answer to number seven. I think I missed a step or something." Alice atmepted to explain but I wasn't getting it. I looked back over my work. And then redid the problem. Edward leaned over and sat closer to me. My breath caught for a second. He took my pencil from my hand, and pointed out where I was messing up. He explained it and everything clicked.

"Thanks, Edward."

He gave me a crooked grin. "No problem."

"Okay, I get _how_ you did it, but could you explain _why_ you did it like that instead of like this?"

I explained it the way it had clicked in my brain to Angela, in a different way.

"Ohhh. Thanks! These study groups really help. We should do this more often."

"So, we got math down, wanna help me with Chemestry?" We switched subjects, quizing each other.

When we decided our brains hurt too much to study anymore, we began packing all out stuff. Alice was going to drop us off at our houses. I reached to grab my notebook and my hand brushed against Edward's who was reaching for his book. An electric tingle shot through me. I pulled my hand back, blushing.

Yes, I seriously like Edward. And if I didn't stop blushing around him, Alice was going to notice.

_**not the best from me, but I liked the fluff. **_


	4. Chapter 4

"Um, Bella?" I heard a honey-like voice say from behind me as I walked out of the cafeteria. Could I be imagining it?

I turned. It was real!

"Yes?" I asked, confused as to why Edward was talking to me. He usually avoided his sister and her friends. That is of course, when he wasn't teasing us.

"I was rude last night, and I'm sorry. Thanks for letting me study with you."

"It was Angela's idea."

"Yeah, I know, when I thanked her, she told me to thank you as well. Would you have really smacked her if you weren't attempting to be nice to me?"

I blushed because I had been silently thanking her.

"Um, maybe not, but it's possible. I'm surprised that Alice didn't reach over and smack her, or me for not smacking her, for inviting you. It took a lot for Angela to say that you know. You haven't been nice to her in the past."

"I know. I'm sorry for that. She's right, it's time to be more mature. I'm sorry."

"You didn't do much to me. She's known you longer."

"Yeah, it's just, you're really good friends with Alice, and when she talks about you, I feel like she's known you longer, and I sort of feel like _I've_ known you longer than two years. Of course Angela is Angela and I've known her for quite a while, and therefore have had time to pick on her longer. Because I've known her so long, I feel like I can treat her like a sister. You're... different somehow. Probably because I haven't known you as long. I guess. But what I'm trying to say, is that we started off on the wrong foot, and I'd like to start over if possible? Could you forget all the stories Angela has told you, the annoyances I've caused Alice that I'm sure she has informed you of, and the teasing that I've done to you? Would you let me study with you again? I learn better in a group it seems.__" He held out his hand for me to shake, and I took it, blushing.

"Sure. Um, I guess I'll see you in Chemistry?"

"Okay. See you then. I think the studying really helped." He winked at me and then walked away, leaving me staring after him. A soft touch on my elbow jerked me out of my drooling mode.

"You really _do_ like him, don't you?" Angela said. I just nodded and we began walking towards class.

When we got there, everyone was standing with their books in their hands, looking annoyed.

"So today, I'll be giving you new lab partners."

I almost groaned, then I began thinking about how Alice and I's teacher last year had done the same thing. We had laughed and joked the whole time with a 'what does he think we're in Elementary school?'. I managed to have Alice as a partner most of the year, despite his constant rearanging of seats, though.

Of course, I didn't get partnered with Angela.

"Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan." I gulped. I would have to sit that close to Edward? Andbe expected not to lean over and brush his hair out of his eyes, or go insane when his hand accidently brushed agaisnt mine?

Angela saw my worried expression and mouthed "stop stressing" to me. I let out a deep breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding and walked to my seat, closely followed by Edward.

_**Sorry it was so short... I can't think, I'm too hyper. . Review please :)**_

_**Kasey**_


	5. Chapter 5

"You know, if you combine out first initials, it spells BAA." Angela said as she walked ahead of Alice and I. We ignored her sugar-induced craziness; we rolled our eyes at her and continued talking about our previous class as we walked to our final class of the day.

A warm arm surrounded me as we walked. Edward had drapped his arms over Alice and I's shoulders.

"So, what's up...?" I almost shrugged to answer his question, but I didn't want to shake off his arm.

"Nothing much. How's your head?" Alice answered, then asked.

I concentrated on keeping my voice even, but Edward's arm was distracting. I managed to ask the question I had though. "What's wrong with his head?" I tried to keep the worry for his health out of the question so Alice wouldn't notice. If he had hurt it, he could be delusional, not in his right thought process, _that_'s probably why his arm is around me. What other explanation could there be for the warmth coming from him that was making my heart tingle and spread that warmth to the rest of my body. Why else would he be touching me, his best friend's sister, let alone touching his sister. He usually hated being near us.

"Well, I _sort of_ dropped a book on his head this morning..."

"Oh, that's right, he's got the locker below you, doesn't he? I was wondering when you were going to that," Angela said at the same time I asked 'Why'.

"Because he was picking on me for being short." Alice answered. "But you _are_ short and it _does_ kind of make no sense for _you_ to have the top locker and not him." I told her. Edward still had his arm around Alice and I for some reason, and it was becoming difficult not to lean into him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him as well, wanted to get closer to the warmth, the protection, in his strong __arms offered. But Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Well she might understand... No, thoughts off Edward, Bella. What would your best friend say? _NO_! Don't think of Edward.

Angela muttered something about hugging and Edward backed away from us, but still walked close. I glared at Angela's back. Alice mumbled something about 'stupid brothers'. Edward just grinned a crooked grin.

After class, Angela and I walked towards the parking lot, Alice and Edward following us. They were walking slowly, not wanting to go home just yet while Angela and I were walking a little quicker.

"Has your heart re-started yet?" Angela whispered.

"I don't believe so," I replied. Of course it had restarted! Double time. To an extreme. It had been racing all class long. It was so loud that I was surprised that the whole class hadn't heard it.

"Well, see you, Bella." Alice said, walking in a different direction than where her car was.

"Where are you going?" I asked, wondering if there was something wrong with her. Maybe Edward had gotten revenge for the book dropping incident... Or maybe Alice had finally gone insane.

"I'm riding home with Angela so I can baby-sit her little brother while she goes somewhere with her parents. Some mature-family members only reunion thing."

"Have fun..." I said sarcastically.

"Oh, I'm sure Geoffry will behave just wonderfully." She said in the same sarcastic tone that I had used.

I laughed, nodded, and walked towards my truck after waving bye.

Alice and Angela got in Angela's green car. I slammed my door to get it to close all the wat and set down my books. The top one slid to the floos and I bent to pick it up. When I leaned up again, they were already speeding out of the parking lot-- Alice must be driving.

I put the key in the ignition and turned. It didn't start. I tried again. Still nothing. It stuttered, and then died again. Banging my hand against the steering wheel, I cursed. I glared out the window, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a pair of smiling green eyes staring at me. They moved closer. Then they disappeared from my sight. Soon, there was a knocj on my window. I opened the door instead of rolling down the sticky glass.

"Something wrong?" Edward asked, grinning. I tried to glare but didn't do it very successfully. He was too beautiful when smiling (in my mind.)

"My stupid truck won't start." I kicked the tire to illistrate my anger at the vehicle.

"Want a ride?" When I stared at him, he grinned again. "Aw, come on, I don't bite. It's no problem."

"My house isn't exactly on your way home..." I mumbled.

"Well, if you're going to be stubborn, then come to my house. We'll do our homework, you'll call Charlie when he gets off of work and he can come pick you up. How 'bout that." He was right, I was stubborn, but he was more so than me, so I knew it was pointless to argue.

I sighed and grabbed my books. He shut the door for me, and we walked side by side to his shiny Volvo, three cars away from mine.

He opened the door for me and then jogged to the driver side.

"So, we gonna study together? It couldn't hurt anything." I just nodded. I'm sure he didn't realize it, but his eyes were hypnotizing, and I had no choice but to say yes.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Okay, back to the actual story... I'm currently deciding what I want to happen, so yeah, this chapter changes a lot of stuff, Alice and Angela like this idea, so yeah... If you don't like it, let me know and I might change it. Also, this went... quicker than I thought it would **__**Did I talk about Breaking Dawn yet? Hmmm... well, what were YOUR opinions?**_

_**Oh yeah, and since Edward isn't a vampire, Bella actually cares about college here. **_

"Would you like something to eat, Bella?" Edward asked me. I shook my head.

"Well, how about something to drink? Anything...?" I smiled and shook my head again.

"Okay, since you're still being difficult... how 'bout that homework?"

We had been talking the entire car ride. It wasn't awkward like I thought it would have been and he was just so easy to hold a conversation with. We joked and laughed, exchanged sarcastic comments; we had the same love for it.

I opened my binder to the first subject I had homework in and got out a pencil. We had decided that we would do all of the random stuff like English and Chemistry first, and then we would do Math and Human Geography-- we didn't have any homework in Spanish. We finished, checking answers with each other, and started to gather our stuff back together so we wouldn't loose it. I flipped a page and slammed my binder shut, hiding a doodle of mine that wouldn't be... good for him to see. He looked at me questioningly.

"I didn't want to look at any more math," I lied in an explanatory voice, and smiled.

He smiled back at me and my breath caught in my throat.

Our hands brushed again as we looked down to grab our books. I blushed, of course. But I did decide that I liked studying with Edward, and if our hands were going to touch everytime... _no_, bad Bella. Alice, Alice, Alice. Oh, who really cares about Alice? ___You do, Bella_ a small voice inside told me. But most of me was dying for another 'accidental' touch. And maybe some not so accidental ones.... no, he doesn't like you and never will, Bella. Get over it.

I hadn't realized I was smiling until I saw him looking at me.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just noticing that you have a nice smile. You should smile more often."

"You have a pretty nice smile yourself. You don't smile nearly enough for the world to enjoy it," I teased.

"Well, having Alice as a sister can make you frown..." he said. I smacked his arm. I probably shouldn't have, I'm not really sure if we were 'friends' enough to be able to do that.

"Hey! That's my best friend your talking about! You annoy her just as much as she does you, if not more!"

"Yeah but..."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Well, I guess she _is _your friend, so I should _try_ to be nice. Unless of course you want to hear embarrassing stories..."

"NO! Alice would kill you! And then I'd kill her!" I bit my tongue the moment it slipped from my mouth. The blush colored my cheeks.

"What?" he asked, looking dazed. I stumbled to come up with a reason for why I would kill Alice other than the fact that she would have murdered Edward. But she didn't know that I had a crush on him, so it would be understandable, logically thinking, but love wasn't logical and I would no doubt hurt my best friend.

" 'cuz then she would um... ask my dad for my embarrassing stories to counteract hers, so she could prevent me from... teasing her." It came out as a question. He shook his head and sighed.

I gave him a questioning look.

"Nothing," he mumbled. I wondered what he could have been thinking about to change his mood.

"Hey, mister, remember what I said about smiling..." It worked, and he chuckled. Then it hit me what had upset him. "I would mind if you died, Edward," I reassured him. "Besides, I don't want my friend in jail... where would that leave me? I'd be short not one, but _two_ Cullens..." I laughed. And he burst out laughing.

"Okay, it wasn't _that_ funny."

"Short... Alice," he managed to get out in between gasps of laughter. __I too laughed, and during our laughter we had managed to lean closer to each other. When our arms bumped, I opened my eyes that had been closed from laughing and found I was staring right into his brilliant green eyes. Both of our chuckles stopped as we stared into each other's eyes. And then the green orbs moved closer.

His warm lips met mine, and my eyes fluttered closed again. Our arms wrapped around each other and I tried to pull closer to the warmth, wanting more. His lips were soft against mine, gentle. I heard a crash and we broke away from each other.

Alice was standing in the door way, her school books scattered around her on the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

Alice stared open-mouthed at us, and I blushed. Thoughts of what had just happened swirled through my head, and I felt a flare of resentment at my friend for interrupting what had to be the best moment of my life. All of a sudden, everything slammed into me at once and I gasped. Alice, my best friend, had just walked in on me kissing her brother. I had been trying to get Edward out of my head for a reason. This was never supposed to happen! This could ruin everything.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She exclaimed. She turned and ran out of the room. I could hear her small feet pound on the staircase as she sprinted upstairs. Her door slammed and I flinched.

What have I done?

I inhaled a deep breath and turned to look at Edward. His look of horror mirrored my own. I stood, but was stopped from leaving the room by a large hand that wrapped around my wrist.

"Bella, wait. Give her a little while to cool down."

I sighed and let him pull me back down beside me, he looked away from me, his eyes looking at nothing in particular.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have done that. I can't believe I _did_. I don't know what came over me, I just... I don't know. I'm not sure if you can ever forgive me, but can you at least accept my apology?" he asked. A silent tear slipped down my face as I realized he regretted the kiss. Everything was ruined now. My friendship with Alice, my sort-of friendship with Edward, any chances of being with him were now gone.

I felt like running out of the room as rejection washed through me. I knew I needed to talk to Alice, but all I wanted to do was get out of there, go home, to my own room and cry my eyes out.

"And don't hate me more for saying this," he continued when I didn't answer, still looking away from me, "But I don't regret it. I wouldn't change it if given the chance. I know that later, when you're gone and will probably never want to see me again, I will be angry with myself and _possibly_ regret it, but I can't right now. And at least I'll have that as a memory when you're gone."

He turned to look at me then, staring straight into my eyes.

"I don't hate you, Edward." As soon as the words left my mouth, he tenativly reached his hand up to brush away my tears. My next words halted his hand an inch from my face. "But I don't accept your apology." Anguish flashed through his eyes. "There's nothing to appologize for," I whispered.

A small smile spread across his face, a bright flicker replacing the pain. I wanted to lean in to him, closer to the comfort that he offered me, and I knew that he would hold me until I calmed down enough to talk to Alice, but we couldn't do that. If Alice walked in, she would be even more upset. And I needed to talk to her now. Not later. She had had a few minutes to think, but if I waited any longer, she would start to think _too_ much and would think I didn't care enough to comfort her when she was hurt.

I sighed and stood up. I briefly touched Edward's arm as I walked out.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

"Yes. But it's probably not the best idea, so you better stay here."

--_--_--_--_--_

"Alice?" I asked softly as I knocked on the door. Something slammed against it from the inside. It sounded like she threw a shoe at it.

"I'm coming it, don't throw something at me please. I want to talk to you."

"Go _away_, Bella," she spat.

I tried to open the door, but of course it was locked.

"If you don't unlock this door, I'm going to go back downstairs, drag your brother up here and have him break it down. You want me to do that?"

I heard a click and the door swung open.

"I said _go away_. Look, just give me a little while, okay. I'm angry and upset. I'm confused and I feel betrayed. I'm shocked and surprised, I never saw this coming, and you," she narrowed her eyes, "didn't feel the need to tell me that you even liked my brother. Isn't that the kind of thing you're supposed to tell your best friend? Or are we not friends? Were you just using me to get to Edward? You're just like Jessica." She slammed the door again, locking it.

"Now leave me alone."

I sighed. "I'm so sorry, Alice," I said just loud enough for her to hear if she was listening.

"I'm so so sorry," I whispered.

Sinking down, I leaned against the door opposite to Alice's, just staring across the hall, hoping the door would open and my smiling best friend would come out, hug me and let me explain.

I had been planning to tell Alice soon. I was just trying to get the nerve to do it. That kiss was _never_ supposed to happen. And Alice was especially never supposed to see it if it did happen. I hadn't even thought he liked me. Totally unexpected. I wanted to explain all of this to Alice, to tell her that I still loved her like a sister, that I always would. We would always be friends, wouldn't we? We had to be? You couldn't loose friendship like that, could you?

A tear slipped out of my watery eyes and down my cheeks. This was all my fault. I had wrecked everything I had with my best friend. She hated me now.

A warm finger brushed the seemingly cold salt drop away from my face. An arm of the same warmth wrapped around me and rocked me back and forth. I put my face in Edward's shoulder and let a few more tears fall down.

"Everything will be fine. I promise you it will be. And think of the positive things. At least we got each other out of this mess."

I nodded and wrapped my arms tighter around him.

He kissed my cheek and stood again. I remained where I was, turning back to look at the bottom of Alice's door. Edward banged on it with his fist.

"Alice. I came to tell you what you already knew. I'm an idiot! Would you like to punch me? 'Cuz I deserve it. Come punch the rotten, stupid, little brother. You know you want to... Come on, Alice. Moron out here, waiting for you to open the door..." I giggled quietly.

When her door _did_ open, Alice's face was tear streaked, but she was smiling. She had her bright, striped, polka dot pillow in her hand. She shoved forward, pushing Edward.

"You big dumby," she laughed. It was a spluttering, miserable attempt at a laugh, but it was a laugh. I stood up and wrapped her in a hug.

And somehow, I believed Edward. Everything would be okay. Eventually.


	8. Chapter 8

__Alice told us that she still needed a little while to think all of this through. She wanted to be alone, and there wasn't much else we could do, so we went back downstairs.

"Thank you, Edward. I'm not sure how far I would have gotten with her if it wasn't for you."

"It was no problem, and I've recently come to realize that I would most likely do anything for you," he admitted. I wondered if this realization had had anything to do with the kiss, or it was as recent as when he had time to himself to think while I tried to talk to Alice.

I smiled at him. "You know, I think I feel the same. Glad I'm not the only one," I joked. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into his touch and they tightened around me securly. I felt safe, protected, and cared for. It felt right. I turned in his grip and wrapped my arms around him as well, clasping them together behind his back. I leaned my head against his chest and he pressed his cheek to the top of my head. It was the perfect moment.

I sighed semi-contentedly and pressed myself even closer to him. I still had the weight of Alice's reaction on my shoulders and I still worried if we could be friends even with the right feeling I had gotten earlier. Edward kissed the top of my head, seeming to sense what I was thinking.

"I promise it will be okay. If I keep saying it, will you believe me any time soon?"

"I doubt it, but it helps. Thanks again, Edward."

"You say thank you too much." I laughed.

"Yeah I know."

"But I like that about you."

I was about to respond when the front door opened. Edward and I broke apart, but stayed only about a foot away from each other. Jasper walked into the kitchen, glaring at us. Alice must have called him.

"Hey, Jasper," I said meekly. If Alice hated me, then Jasper would _hate_ me. Anything that upset Alice upset him double. Great... enemy number two made. I should have counted him in the moment Alice ran out of the room. I should have known I would have to face the wrath of the angry boyfriend.

"Were you _trying_ to mess with Alice's head? You know she hates being taken by surprise. Some warning would have been nice."

I hung my head. Then, Jasper smiled. He walked over and high-fived Edward.

" 'Bout time, man. Took you long enough." When I stared at Jasper with a confused look, he turned to talk to me, recieving a warning 'don't say anything!' look from Edward. "Edward here has had a crush on you for a while now. I've been telling him to tell you for a while now. At least he finally did something."

"And Alice didn't know about this!? That's surprising. She knows everything."

"Well, let's not tell her I knew about this, just in case she decides to stab me with a kitchen knife."

We all laughed.

"So... y'all can continue now..." Jasper said, his Texan origins showing in his speech.

"What?"

"You know, with whatever Alice interrupted earlier that made her so mad..."

I blushed. "Gladly," I heard the smooth, velvet voice say. And he spun me around, his warm lips on mine again for a second before he pulled away again to let me catch the breath that had whooshed out of my lungs when he had spun me around.

Alice squealed upstairs. Obviously Jasper had made it up there...

Jasper and Alice were perfect for each other. He calmed her down, and she got him to be happy. He had always been so serious when he wasn't with Alice. He had moved here from Texas, and Alice had been the welcoming commity. She had been the one assigned to show him around the school, and they had a lot of classes together. They had just clicked. And Jasper being the 'smooth' southern gentleman that he was had held out her chair for her at lunch and held doors for her the rest of the day and they had been together ever since. If you believed in soul mates, you could say that the two definetly were meant for the other. Of course they had their fights, but they always made up. And while they were each their own unique person by themselves, they were truly complete together. And they were obviously in love. It was the kind of love I hoped I could have one day. The kind I wanted with Edward. And our just started, confusing, and not yet defined relationship was already heading that way.


	9. Chapter 9

When Monday morning came around, I felt like somebody had thrown a bucket of cold water on me. It was like being abruptly woken up from a dream. Returning to school didn't seem realistic. I had spent the enitire weekend locked in my room, trying to come to reality with the fact that Edward and I were now going out.

After Charlie had picked me up at the Cullen's, I had run to my room and screamed into a pillow, hoping that Charlie wouldn't hear. Later, I kept replaying random images of Edward's face and managed to scald myself with etremly hot water in the shower. I'm sure Charlie noticed my distractedness that was present all weekend, but he didn't comment. I didn't really give him a chance to. He quit staring at me whenever I walked into a room he was in when I spent three hours on the phone with Alice. And I had purposely made it so the only part of the conversation he had overheard was a bunch more appologizing. Alice had forgiven me already, and she was starting to get annoyed with all of my sorry's, but when she heard the front door close, then a car start, she got the idea that Charlie had been there and had then changed the subject. I also found it quite useful having 'insider knowledge', which for some reason she gave me. For example, in a random conversation during the phone call, the subject of highlighting a t-shirt pattern on Edward while he slept because I thought he looked good in yellow came up. Which brought on my outburst of "what does he wear to bed," He goes for comfort. Shorts and a t-shirt. How adorable! His favorite color is blue. He likes to read fantasy type books, his middle name is Anthony, and she would guess his favorite food was ketchup. And for some reason she told me all of this.

Then we discussed ways to get the same information from Jasper. Of course, if Alice asked, he would spill all, but where was the fun in that? And besides, this was Alice we were talking about, easy made things boring, and boring was something that should be banned from society.

And then we talked about sometime going shopping.

And then class.

And then more about Edward and Jasper, or Jazz as she liked to call him. She had decided that if she put the fact that he was her brother aside, she might be able to deal with me dating him, as long as she didn't witness any kissing with tongue involved. If she did, she would smash our brains, and get Jasper to bury our bodies in the back yard.

And now I was back to school, eagerly waiting for my Chemistry class with Edward, which was unfortunatly the last class of the day. It seemed to drag on and on, just waiting to get to see Edward again. Finally, the bell rang, releasing me from my class. As fast as was possible for my clumsy self, I made my way towards the science building.

_**(I would say that Jazz was in this class too, but then 'Alice' would hurt me, because that leaves only three Jasper options. So, no Jasper. -cry-)**_

I finally made it into the room, and took my seat. Edward had to come from the other side of the school, so he wasn't here yet, despite his almost unnatural quickness. _**(couldn't resist, and he DOES run track) **_

When he entered the room, I smiled so wide it hurt my mouth. He grinned at me and came to his seat, next to mine.

Before we could say anything to each other, the teacher started class. I almost growled and glared at him as he adjusted some papers on his desk, looking down while talking instead of making any sort of eye contact. I took careful notes as he wrote random facts on the projector in the front of the room throughout class. When the annoucements came on, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had until I got to my car to talk to him! Then I realized, I didn't know what to say. I had no clue at all, and I was suddenly nervous rather than excited. The dull voice on the intercome dragged on, and I instead of the usual two minutes we had before we left, the bell rang twenty seconds later.

He obviously wasn't as confused about what to do now as I was, because he helped me gather my books and waited for me. We walked out together, now chatting about random things. It all flowed easier than I thought it would have with my akwardness. When I turned away from the direction of the parking lot, he caught my arm.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To wait for Charlie to pick me up..."

"Nope. You are coming with me, and Alice and I are going to your house. Charlie has invited us over for dinner, of course only inviting me out of courosy, he doesn't know about us yet, deal?"

I nodded, then practically skipped to his car.

_**Can't you see Bella skipping? I can. She's not clumsy ALL the time, just most of it. She's perfectly capable of skipping. **_

_**:) Hope you enjoyed. Review please. I have 34 alerts, but only 53 reviews. Come on people. You can review more than that! LOL. Love you all anyway. **_

_**Kasey**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Oh! I cried! It possibly really is over! The End meant THE END! (stupid songs in my head) I HATE those dumbies! Did you read Stephenie Meyer's website? Oh, and last chapter, Edward's last sentance wasn't that he didn't want Charlie to know, it was an 'obviously' kind of thing. Sorry for confusion.**_

_**Mourning Midnight Sun,**_

**_Kasey_**

Edward followed behind me, opening the back door for me. He slid in next to me. Alice wasn't at the car yet, so it was just us. At that moment, I realized I really wanted to kiss him. Seemingly reading my mind, his lips met mine. They softly danced together before we needed to breathe and he slowly pulled away. He grasped my hand so that we were still touching.

"I've wanted to do that all day," he sighed.

"You took the words from me."

He leaned in to kiss me again, but when his lips were about a centimeter away from mine, someone knocked at the window. Alice was glaring at us. Edward smiled innocently at her and she giggled soundlessly. She opened the driver door and we could hear her tinkling laughter.

"I'm going to let that slide because I have a feeling if you do it again anytime tonight, that police gun that's usually on the Chief's belt will be pointed at your head."

The conversation flowed easily, making each other laugh on more than one occasion during the short drive. Sooner than expected thanks to Ms. Wanna-Be-NASCAR-Driver, we arrived at the small house Charlie and I shared.

He wasn't home yet, so after setting down my books, I started dinner. I decided to make fish, Charlie's favorite, so I walked out to the garage to get some out of the freezer. Edward followed, leaving Alice alone.

"Bella, I think we should tell your dad about us, don't you? I'd like to be around you a lot, and I think he'd like an explanation for why I'm around so much."

This would be difficult, because Alice was right. Didn't Edward take note of the fact that _he legally carries a gun_. I guess we should tell him though. And guess what? There was no time like the present.

"Okay, but _you_ get to do the talking. Actually, you're a pretty decent guy... he might actually approve of you," I joked. Edward was actally a great guy, Charlie would try and find something wrong with him dating me, but there wasn't really anything he would be able to come up with. Edward of course had his flaws, but he was perfect for me, and perfect in my opinion. Charlie would be forced to come to this realization too, there was no way he couldn't.

"Thanks," he said sarcastically. I reached down to grab the fish out of the freezer, digging to the bottom to get the oldest stuff that needed to get eaten before it got freezer burnt. When I stood straight, Edward kissed my cheek, took my hand that wasn't full, and opened the door for me. He was so sweet.

With excellent timing, Charlie walked in the door right as Alice and I were setting the table. Edward was trying to keep one of the pots on the stove from boiling over. He was funny to watch. Let's just say cooking wasn't exactly on his expertise list. _**(he hasn't had time to watch the food network yet! I love that quote in BD) **_

"Hello Alice, Edward, Bells, this smells great."

"Thank you for inviting us over, Chief Swan," Alice said to him.

"No problem, now, can we eat, I'm starved." If I wasn't to the point of almost chewing my nails from nervousness, I would have laughed. Edward did chuckle.

I sat in between Alice and Edward, across from Charlie.

Edward waited until Charlie scooped his plateful of food for the third time before he brough up the subject.

"Chief Swan- I mean Charlie," he corrected himself, having already been told he preferred not to be called 'Chief' at home. "I was wondering... Well, would it be okay if I, uh, dated your daughter?" Charlie dropped his fork and stared up at Edward in horror.

"You want to date my daughter?" Charlie tried the words out.

"Yes," Edward confirmed.

"Why?"

I was about to interrupt and ask him if there was a reason he wouldn't want to date me, if he thought there was something wrong with me, just to fluster him, but Edward beat me to it.

"Because she's sweet and caring, beautiful and wonderful. She can think for herself and isn't afraid to share her opinions. She's intelligent and can carry an excelent conversation. She's funny and witty. She's a great friend and listens. I just like everything about her, I can't really describe why, but its like a magnet pulling me towards her. I've always admirred how she acts around Alice, she knows exactly how to act around other people and gives great advice to her friends. She's always polite. I just like Bella. Everything that makes her Bella."

I was stunned. Edward really _did_ like me, maybe as much as I liked him. He truly cared about me, and though I didn't believe the things he was saying about me, it sounded like he believe them.

Charlie looked just as shocked as I was.

Like I had thought earlier, he had no choice but to acknowledge that Edward was a wonderful man. He had no choice but to say yes to Edward's question. He had to.

Alice broke the tension. She reached around me and pushed Edward's shoulder.

"Who knew you were such a big sap?" she giggled.

He glared at her.

"I have no contorl over what my daughter does. She is her own person and needs to make her own decisions and have her own opinions. I have no right to go against what she does. While I don't like the idea of my daughter dating anybody, if it had to be someone, she couldn't have made a better choice it seems. I trust that you won't hurt her, if she wants to date you, she can."


	11. Chapter 11

"Hey, Bella," Edward walked up to me in the hallway at school the next morning.

"Shh," I said to him, watching intently as Angela flirted unintentionally with her 'just-a-friend' crush. We all knew she liked him, but she seemed to think that he could never possibly like her back. We had been pushing with her to go out with him, but she didn't want to wreck their friendship. They were each waiting for the other to make the first move and getting no where.

I respected Angela's feelings too much to do anything for her though, in case it backfired.

"Did you walk all the way back here just to talk to me?" I heard Ben say to her.

"I was bored."

Angela shifted her books to her other arm so she could twirl her hair, a habit of hers. She caught sight of me and glared at Edward, who was right behind me. Ben noticed that she was distracted and followed her gaze. He looked confused.

"Something wrong?" he asked her.

Angela continued glaring for a moment before turning back to Ben.

"_Bella_," she spat my name, "starting going out with _Edward_ and didn't tell me. I had to hear from Alice about her walking in on you two! Why were you over there anyway? I want the full story missy!"

"Tell you at lunch, Ang. I'm sorry." Angela had slipped my mind over the weekend. I hadn't called her like a good friend should and now I felt horrible.

She sighed. "See you in English then."

Ben walked with her down the hallway; she usually walked to his class first, then looped back to our first class.

Today, Edward walked me right to the door of my class. Handing me the pencil he had somehow grabbed from my books, he lightly brushed his hand across my cheek. The warning bell rang, by the time I had recovered from what his touch did to me, he was already turning the corner.

We had extra time in English, so I had to spill early.

"_What_ were you doing at Alice's house Friday night?!" Angela hissed at me as she slid into the desk behind mine.

"Uh, my car broke. And he offered me a ride home... and, then somehow we ended up kissing. And Alice walked in, and well, you know how she hates being taken by surprise. Wait, does she know that you knew I liked him?"

Angela visablly paled.

"I'll take that as a no..." I took a deep breath. "Angela, I feel like I've been doing too much aplogizing lately and I feel awful, I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you. This was big news and you should have been informed."

"You had to deal with Charlie during the weekend on top of Alice's wrath didn't you?" she guessed. She was always perceptive like that.

"Yeah,"

We laughed together, friends and not enemies again.

"So, you and Edward, huh? Never thought that would happen did you?"

"Never."


	12. Chapter 12

It seemed that for the past week I had been floating on air. I was always smiling and talked to Edward every night-- he called me right before I went to sleep so his voice was always in my dreams. It was Thursday already; the week was flying by so fast. Setting my books down on my bed, I went back downstairs to get something to eat. The moment I stepped into the kitchen, the phone rang, its shrill sound startling me from my thoughts that had floated freely in the previously silent house.

"Hello, Swan residence."

"Hey, Bella?"

"Edward!"

"Yeah, well I just wanted to say hi to you and warn you of an Alice attack, and beware, she's using guilt warfare!"

"What?" I asked, confused.

" 'Edward, do you have the phone? If so, hand it over!'" Alice yelled. "Got to go, talk to you later tonight, bye." he said quickly, hanging up with a gust of breath before I had a chance to say anything.

The line beeped a dial tone, I clicked the end key. It burst into sound again a second later.

"Edward?"

"Wrong," the bell like voice of my best friend came through.

"Hey Alice, what's up?"

"Wellll... and I know you have nothing else to do and Charlie won't object to it, so you come to my house tomorrow night willingly or I kidnap you."

"Wow, that wasn't direct at all."

"Not giving you time to get out of it."

"Why would I try to get out of it?"

"Because _Edward_ wanted to do something with you tomorrow..."

I felt using her 'Alice glare' against her. _**(it is no longer an Edward glare) **_

"Come on Bella," she whined in an Alice like way. "You haven't been spending much time with us lately, _please_."

"I see you every day in class!"

"Please please please? All you do is spend time with Edward now, what happened to 'he is just a guy'? What has the world come to? What happened to sisterly love? Angela is coming!"

"I don't know Alice..." I started, just to mess with her. I had already made my decision.

"Since I cancelled his plans, Edward will be there! Please Bella? I won't give you any more than three make overs, and I won't force you into heels..."

"Alice, of course I'll come. You _are_ my best friend, and Edward lost his chance, you asked first."

I could feel her smile through the phone. I just rolled my eyes. But, Alice will be Alice. _**(I know she's OOC, get over it) **_

--

I was already in my seat ready to start class when Edward walked into the chemistry room. His kissed my cheek before sitting down next to me.

"How was your day?" I asked him right as he opened his mouth, probably to ask the same thing.

"Fine, boring, tolerable. Yours?"

"Eh... same. Better now."

He grinned at me. After getting out his notes and the homework from the night before, he grabbed my hand under the table. This was becoming routine for us, but I didn't think I would ever get used to it. My heart fluttered like a humming bird whenever he touched me, even accidently, and when he kissed me it leapt forward, trying to escape my chest so it could run wild, dancing in twirling and erraric circles.

Like usual, I glared when the teacher started class, stopping our conversation. Everyday, usually from conversations before class started, I learned more and more about him. Today, I managed to tease him into telling his sort of family history. Esme and Carlisle (not to mention his twin...) were all shorter than him. He was so tall compared to them because Esme's brothers were on like growth hormones__or something and were about six foot seven. Guess that explains the freakish tallness (though really it was only a little above average.)

I only half paid attention in class and read for most of it; we weren't doing anything important.

When the bell rang, I wasn't ready to go. Edward politely waited for me though, and walked me to my truck. Alice was at the door of the rust bucket.

"You are _not _driving this gas waster this weekend. I already put your stuff from the back of the truck in the car. Now hand me the keys and go get in the back seat like a good girl."

She _hated_ my truck, but I rather liked it, especially the outcomes it produced when it broke down...

I sighed but went to the car anyway. Angela was in the passenger seat, so I climbed into the back seat, Edward squeezing in behind me.

"Don't look so grumpy, Bella, she's forbidding me my car use too," Angela laughed. _I _think she was just trying to block our escape routes.

But as much as I complained in my head, Alice was a great friend and I was eager to spend the weekend with her, and of course, it was brightened by the fact that both the Cullen children would be involved in my weekend...


	13. Chapter 13

Edward wrapped his arm aroung me and I leaned ino him as far as my seat belt would let me. Angela seemed more exuberant than usual, even though it took me a couple of seconds to realize it.

The moment Alice started the engine, she burst.

"Benaskedmeout!" she jumbled out in an excited rush.

"_Finally_," Edward muttered. I chuckled at him.

"Told you," Alice said to her.

Angela's smile was contagious and soon we were all laughing.

_Alice flipped on her turn signal and turned down a road. Forks was so green and uniform that it took us three minutes to realized we had been distracted and had gone the wrong way. _

_"You shoud've gone left, Alice." Edward taunted her. _

_"But instead you went right!" Angela said in a sing-songy voice. It took me a moment, but it finally clicked in my brain that she was singing it to the tune of 'Should've Said No' by Taylor Swift._

I smiled wider as Edward's laugh shook me. A few minutes later we pulled into the long Cullen driveway. We all grabbed our books and Edward helped me carry some of my stuff, though I protested the whole way that I was perfectly capable of carrying my own stuff.

Alice instructed us to set it all down in the living room. She had pushed all the furniture out of the way so the room was more spacious.

I could see Carlisle's shape in the kitchen door way, but before he even got the chance to come greet us, Alice shoved Edward toward the stairs. She managed to move him a few inches before he turned around and put his hands on her shoulders, lightly shoving her backwards.

"You. Upstairs."

He rolled his eyes at her.

"I'll get there eventually. You should really have more patience. You know, it's a virtue," he responded.

She glared at him but before she could say anything else to him, Carlisle walked into the room.

"Hey, do I know these strange people that seem to be in my house?" he joked. Angela pushed him, rolling her eyes. It seemed eye rolling was the theme of the night.

"Dad!" Alice practically growled. She thought her dad was obnoxious and dorky-- and he was-- but I liked him. As far as dads went, he was a pretty good one.

"Don't worry, Al, we'll be out of your way. We won't bother you. It'll be like you kids have the house to yourself. But I'm pretty sure Esme wants to say hello before you forbid us to step foot from the other room," Carlisle laughed.

"I'm not _that_ harsh. You're just weird, like now," Alice laughed as well.

"Actually, dad," Edward said, "I _would_ like to introduce you to someone. This is Bella," he motioned towards me, "my girlfriend." He grinned widely and I couldn't help but grin back at him.

"Nice to meet you again, Bella. Did you know Edward talks about you a lot?"

"Okay, my turn. _Dad!_" Was that a touch of pink I saw on his cheeks?

"Oh, you talk about me?" He ran a hand through his hair and Alice saw her chance and jumped.

"Yeah, _all the time_. Thinking back on all the times he's talked about you, I've realized, I'm an idiot," Edward interrupted here.

"Thank you for stating the obvious. Moving on to the next topic of conversation..."

"He was always talking to Carlisle about how wonderful you are. Only when I was eavesdropping I didn't know it was you he was talking about... anyway, I should have known. Stupid Alice." She shook her head at her self. She then turned around and flopped onto their big couch next to Angela.

"I guess it was pretty obvious... and here I thought you knew everything, Alice. So much for being observant..."

She stuck out her tongue at him.

"Wow. Mature." I giggled at the two of them. Alice threw a pillow from the couch at him.

He just smiled a 'see my point?' smile.

--

After talking to Esme for a bit-- and blushing through the part about me dating her son-- we spread out our sleeping bags. I pushed mine up against the couch where Edward had sprawled out. Occasionally while we were talking he would brush his hand against my cheek.

About an hour later, Alice decided it was 'girl time' and informed Edward that unless he wanted a make over he would have to leave the room. Needless to say, he headed straight for his room.

Later he came down to eat the pizza that had been ordered, but then he scrambled back upstairs quickly before we attacked him with glitter.

As for girl time... We all gossiped about the objects of our affections until we decided we decided to put on a movie. Over the course of the night we had done the mandatory slumber party make overs and nails, changed into our PJ's and laughed so hard our faces felt like they were going to slipt from smiling so much. The darkness and the late hour made us drowse off to sleep. Well, Alice and Angela did. I was about to close my eyes as well when the stairs creaked. I glanced up to see Edward sneaking down in what must be what he slept in-- shorts and a soft t-shirt.

"I'm just getting a drink!" he assured the room. He squinted at Alice and Angela's forms when they didn't respond and then carefully stepped around them. He wasn't wearing his glasses so I'm sure his vision was blurry.

When got to where I was spread out, he leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"Are they asleep?"

I nodded.

"Good." I sat up and he kissed my cheek. He stood straight up again and made his way to the T.V. After scrunching his eyes at the titles of their DVD selction, he put another movie in and came to sit beside me again.

When he put his warm arm around me, I snuggled into his side. He kissed the top of my head one more time before the characters on the screen became blurs and the darkness lulled us to sleep in each other's arms.


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: I feel all writing hyped. I REALLY wanna write but I don't know what. And I also don't have time. Stupid clock! Slow down! Anyway, I'd like to thank **_**sunystone **_**for being my 100th reviewer. Oh, and if you're looking for something to read, try Forks in the Road. I really like this story of mine for some reason. I'd love it if you would read and review before I finish it. Oh by the way, while I'm thinking about it. No vampires in this story so Edward is older than Bella by a few months. **_

Something shifted near me and I blinked open my eyes, only to slam them shut again when bright light blinded them momentarily. It was sunny _again_? What was with the normally absent sunshine ruining my dreams?

I had been curled up in Edward's arms, I felt warm and safe, protected. But of course, the stupid sun had to wake me up. And to think, I used to like sun. I was wrong.

I closed my eyes, trying to get back into the dream. I could feel the warmth of Edward's arm around me now, it tightened and I leaned into the touch. Normally trying to get back into dreams didn't work... But it was now and I wasn't going to question it.

"Bella," my dream Edward whispered. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms tighter around me. Sighing, I tucked my head into his chest, feeling content. Except that it was still bright. I was suddenly wide awake, but I didn't move. I really _was_ in Edward's arms!

We were curled up together, on my sleeping bag with half of it draped over us. Edward was facing the sofa, so he hadn't been awoken by the very rude sun.

Leaning my head up again, I looked around the room. Angela was still asleep, her arm thrown out across Alice's sleeping bag, but Alice was sitting up watching me. I couldn't tell what her expression was, so I tilted my head. Was she upset? I was curled up against her brother...

She made a disgusted face. "I still don't get what you see him," I frowned at her. She grinned. "But you two look so adorable." She held up a camera. "Smile, Esme wants pictures, I already got quite a few..."

I quickly turned my head back into Edward's chest right as the flash went off.

"Darn it. Oh well, I already have plenty. Continue enjoying the company of my idiot, I mean my brother..." She skipped out of the room before I could throw something at her.

My pillow chuckled, shaking me, but also leaving me feeling warm inside. I wanted to stay in these arms forever.

Edward leaned his head down to whisper in my ear, making me shiver.

"I can hurt her if you want. It really wouldn't bother me. And it'd be good to have an excuse to bug her..."

"No, I want no part in this, especially the retaliation because you know it will come, and Alice can probably do way worse than anything you can dish out."

"You're probably right," he sighed. Then he smiled at me. "Want some breakfast?"

We got up but I grabbed my tooth brush and rushed to the bathroom. Edward followed me more slowly. When I was done, he went in. I had put my tooth brush away and brushed my hair while he had washed his face, brushed his teeth and attempted to do something to make his hair look less messy. He stepped down the stairs and walked over to me.

I crashed my lips to his own-- my whole purpose, and probably his as well, for rushing to clean my teeth. It was only a brief kiss, and he grabbed my hand and lead me to the kitchen where Alice was waiting. She shook her head at us, obviously having seen the kiss but otherwise didn't say anything.

Angela stumbled in a few minutes later.

"You missed it, Ang, but I have pictures..." she taunted Edward. He just rolled his eyes and searched for something to eat.

"Oh," Edward started. "Before my short little sister ruins my plans again, Bella, would you like to go out with me tonight?" I grinned and nodded. Alice looked apalled. "I am older than you, mister! Seventeen minutes!" _**(haha, Seeing Double... forever seventeen...) **_

"Yes, but I'm taller, therefore you're my little sister. Get over it." Alice glared. _**(she has this thing that she does when she glares and I used to call it an Edward glare, because it was very vampire like, but it was most definetly an Alice Glare.) **_

After we ate, Alice decided she was bored. So she dragged us to the mall. Because I 'needed something nice to wear tonight,'. Apparently driving to my house to pick up stuff I already had was less convenient than driving an hour to the mall. But this _was_ Alice so...

We did have fun though. So far it had been a very good weekend. I had spent time with the two very best friends a person could ever ask for _and_ gotten to spend time with the perfect-- in my mind-- guy that liked me as well. I liked him more and more each day, it was getting pretty dangerous. Right now it was so strong that if he even liked me half as much as I liked him, it would be enough.

Moving my thoughts away from Edward, I zoned back into the conversation we were having. I laughed along with them when we accidentally stumbled upon yet another of our inside jokes during random talk.

Three girls together really are insane. I loved my friends dearly, I couldn't imagine life without them, and Edward was begining to fit into the 'can't live without' category as well.

Of course we laughed all the way home, and if Alice hadn't been an excellent (although maybe a little too fast) driver, I'm sure we would have crashed.

Sometime during the car ride, Alice had convinced us to spend the night again. We called our parents from the road, not feeling like talking for long and wanting to have an excuse for a short conversation. When we got to Alice's house again, we went in to set our stuff down. Then, I was shoved up the stairs and into the bathroom. Edward was in his room reading, his freshly washed hair hanging down partly in his eyes and I smiled at him briefly before Alice slammed his door shut, after telling him to get ready.

I was then shoved into the bathroom with a hair product of some sort. When I was done in the shower, Alice tossed some of the clothes we had gotten today in, then came in with a hair dryer and clips. I sighed.

"What happened to _'Its just Edward'_?" I asked her.

"Well, it _is_ just Edward, but this is your first real date, so that outweighs it. Now, he's waiting down stairs."

He was standing by the front door chatting with Angela politely. Our mouths dropped open at the same time, all conversation cut off.


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: **__**oooh, and I have a new Twilightness spreader! **_

_**w4ms≤ (wishing for Midnight Sun and loving Edward) **_

_**Kasey (also, I heart you all.) **_

We gaped, open-mouthed, at each other. Edward looked incredibly handsome, more so than usual. Well, I guess most people wouldn't call him handsome, but I would, and if possible he looked better than usual. He should make at least five minutes of effort to look nice everyday. His blue button up shirt contrasted against his features nicely, bringing out his eyes. He had khaki colored dress pants on and they fitted him perfectly, neither too tight or loose. However, his hair was still as messy as ever though it looked like he tried to smooth it to the side. I loved it.

I laughed then. Alice had matched us. My light blouse was exactly the same shade of blue. The laugh broke him out of his trance and he took my hand. He kissed it lightly and smiled agaisnt my skin. I thanked Alice and then let Edward pull me out the door, waving behind him without paying attention.

Once we were seated in the Volvo, he turned to me. He lightly ran his hand up and down my cheek, causing me to shiver.

"You look beautiful tonight, Bella. Would you be offended if I called you mine?" I shook my head. "Then, you look wonderful this fine evening, my beautiful Bella."

I smiled. "You don't look half bad yourself."

The corner of his mouth pulled up in a grin before he turned away and started the car again. Once we were past the Cullen's long driveway, he grabbed my hand.

"So, where are we going?" I asked him.

He looked like his grin would be permanently stuck to his face as he shook his head.

"Come on! You have to tell me something!"

"I'd prefer not to... you'll like it though. Maybe it's a little trite and cliche, but I think you'll enjoy it."

"Dinner and a movie?"

"How'd you guess? It's only been done by thousands and thousands of teenagers and constantly portrayed as 'the perfect date'..."

I laughed. "So, where will we be eating and what will we be seeing?"

"I am so taking you to see the Dark Knight," he chuckled. I laughed again. Before we were dating, he had mentioned something about it and told me it was pretty good, as did Alice, so I really wouldn't mind seeing it.

"And we're eating where...?"

"Does it really matter?"

"No, but I'm curious."

"Curiousity killed the--"

"Yeah yeah, but satisfaction brought it back."

"Be patient, Bella," he said. I huffed. He stroked small circles on the back of my hand.

Edward and I talked the rest of the car ride, getting to know each other better even more.

"Favorite music?" he asked me.

"I liked country until this year, its not really country anymore, so I don't listen to it as much. And currently, I like My Chemical Romance. That's about it. I almost never listen to anything new anymore. Yours?"

"I don't really listen to music that much. Usually when I listen its whatever Alice or Carlisle has on. I've heard _Welcome to the Black Parade _by My Chemical Romance though, they're pretty good. Wait, are you the reason Alice brought that CD home to put on her computer? And then only liked about two songs?"

"Yep. That would be me. Favorite color?"

"Blue," he answered. "And yours would be black, green, or pink, right?"

"Yes, but it depends on the day."

"Right..."

"Shut up."

"Favorite food?"

"Mushroom ravioli, fruit, chicken nuggets, or ketchup," I giggled. "Yours?"

"Pizza, hot dogs, icecream, or... ketchup."

"Bet I use more ketchup than you."

"Oh yeah? I highly doubt that. We'll just have to find out one day now won't we?"

"Or we could do a pop quiz... You have a grilled cheese sandwhich, Macaroni and Cheese, chicken, and beef. Which one do you put the ketchup on?"

"All of them," he answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So maybe we will just have to see about that one day... Middle name?" I asked, changing the subject.

"No."

"Please? It can't be that bad. I promise I won't laugh."

"Fine, Anthony. I _hate_ it."

"It's not that bad. I won't tell anyone, promise."

"You better not. Or else."

"Or else what? You'll sick Alice on me?"

He grinned evilly. "Not what I was thinking, but yes. I'll sick Alice on you. With eyelash curlers."

I shuddered in horror.

"Now yours?"

"Marie."

"I think it's pretty. Fits you. Pretty name for a pretty girl."

"Now you're just getting cheesy. What are you going to do next, hand me a pack of sugar and say 'I believe you dropped your name tag'? No wait, at the movies your going to do that yawn thing?!"

"No, that's just stupid. I'm going to be gentlemanly and ask before I put my arm around you. But I might just do it now to annoy you."

"Psh, I ain't feelin' the love here. I'm pretty sure a good boyfriend isn't supposed to purposely annoy his girlfriend."

"You know I'm only teasing, Bella. It's easy to joke around with you. That's why I like you. You're perfect in my eyes. And don't even argue that. You are."

My chest squeezed a little at the words. This had to be a dream, the funny, beautiful, wonderful, romantic if not a little cheesy, guy that had agreed to let me call him mine. My Edward. It was hard to believe it was true, but my heart liked the sound of it.

Our conversation continued until Edward pulled into a parking lot. It was an Italian resturant and I had to admit that it was a good choice.

He jumped out of the car immediately and met me at my door. I had already opened the door, sending a gust of wind swooping through the car and causing me to shiver.

He held out his hand to help me out of his car. Seeing that I was cold, he leaned into me. Already, him being so close was warming me up. His lips were on my ear.

"May I put my arm around you?" he said jokingly, bringing up his words from earlier.

"Why, yes, you may."

His warm arm wrapped around me and it felt like I belonged there, like it was meant to be. Was it possible to find your perfect match on your first ever date? If it was possible, it seemed like Edward would be the one. But I didn't love him, did I?

I put the question on hold in my brain, I would worry about it later, away from Edward because being close to him wasn't helping my thought process at all.


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: Love you all. Heart heart heart. (I also have Claire in my head. Again, heart. 'Pity wock!' 'Unca Jay!') That's about all I have to say here, review! ANd enjoy, Kasey**_

Seated in a small booth in the back of the restaurant, Edward held my hand.

The waitress came by, bouncing bubbly to the table.

"Hello, my name's Amber, and I'll be helping you tonight. What can I get you to drink?"

I glanced at Edward and he nodded for me to order first. "I'll have a Mr. Pibb?" I said like a question.

"I'll have one as well, thank you."

"And are you ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?"

Edward smiled at me and I wondered what he was up to. "I'll have the mushroom ravioli. What about you, my beautiful Bella?"

I blushed. He did that on purpose! "I'll have the same," I told the waitress.

"Great. I'll be right back with your drinks," she smiled. Though I loved looking at his eyes without them, I was grateful that Edward wore glasses. _I _knew how handsome he was with and without them, on the inside and outside, but no one else did. He got over looked in the looks department, but as I had seen that had opened my eyes, he could look amazingly good depending on the situation, and I had a feeling that if his 'dorky' glasses had not been on, Amber the waitress would have been staring relentlessly.

_I _thought he was perfect just the way he was. Perhaps too good. _No_, I told myself. I wouldn't let my thoughts stray down the 'you are not good enough' path again tonight. I was supposed to be confident and sure. Not insecure. And logically, I knew I _should_ be sure of Edward. I could see with my own eyes how _his_ eyes followed me when I walked in a room. See the look he had when we were close to each other-- the one that mirrored my own. Of course I logically knew that he liked me as well, but because I couldn't fathom _why_, my mind doubted that this was real, that I wouldn't wake up one day to find it was all a dream.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me. I wasn't sure what to tell him.

"You." He looked like he couldn't understand my answer.

"Me? What about me?"

"How I don't believe I'm on a date with you. Did you know four months ago I would have cringed at the idea?"

"Same here. But around the beginning of the summer, I realized I missed not seeing a glimpse of you everyday at school. And all of a sudden you were in every other thought, your face popping up at random moments. And then you came over, and I was so nervous I don't think I said anything to you directly," he chuckled. That had been the day I had realized I liked him. Of course, I had liked him before, I just hadn't known it. Actually, I hadn't known that I had liked him before until very recently. It actually disturbed me quite a bit how little I knew about myself, how blind and oblivious I was to my own feelings. I still didn't know an exact date, and wondered if I had liked him from the moment I laid eyes on him.

Amber came back from the kitchen with our sodas.

"I'm glad my feelings changed," I told him honestly.

"Me too, you're... my every thought, the cause of the smile on my face when I wake up in the morning, the reason I both eagerly anticipate and dread the end of the day..." he trailed off. He mumbled something under his breath and I could have sworn that what I heard him say was "my Bella, my world. You're my everything."

My heart swelled, throbbing inside my chest, almost painful actually. But it was the good kind of pain. I squeezed his hand tighter but our moment, inside our own bubble, was broken by the arrival of our food.

I took a sip of my drink. He did the same and then took a bite of his food. The conversation was lighter after that. The fake blond waitress had come back at some point when we were talking about books and had made a face at our geekiness. Grinning to each other after she had disappeared again, we had decided that we were going to talk about the nerdiest thing we could think of until we finished eating, just to annoy her.

I hated letting him pay for all of it, but he happened to be very persuasive. His eyes had this dazzling effect, and they twinkled when he was trying to get something he wanted.

"Fine, but I get to choose where we go next time, _and_ I'll pay." He frowned, but I smiled. Shaking his head, he wrapped his arm around me again. He smiled at Amber and handed her the small leather folder with the money in it. I could almost see her thoughts flash across her forehead as the smile registered in her mind and she rethought her first opinion. But I could truthfully say that he was mine, and if I could help it, I would never let him go.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: I dedicate this chapter to some loser out there, and the number 17. It may hurt now, but I'd rather remember than forget. Thank you. **_

Edward wrapped his arm around me, grasping my hand in his to keep us warm as we walked along the side walk to the movie theater.

"Can I be honest with you?" Edward asked me. I leaned into him and nodded.

"I feel like I've found my missing piece, that I wasn't whole before. You changed that, and I feel more complete than I ever did. Thank you for giving me that, Bella. It means more to me than you'll ever know."

My heart swelled and all but exploded. I knew at that moment that he belonged in my life. It couldn't _not_ be true. He would always be there, or I would be broken into pieces.

What would I do without him? In the short time that we'd been together, he had become essential for my true happiness. If he was gone, he would take a piece of me with him.

"I feel as if I cannot live without you now. Maybe I've felt this way for a long time, maybe I haven't, but I just realized it recently, and I know it's trye. I'll always want you in my life, so it appears our feelings are the same," I told him.

He kissed my hair and I shivered, pressing closer to him.

When we arrived at the movie theater, Edward picked out the movie, and we made our way inside.

He led me up the stairs on the end of the rows and chose a set of seats near the top. There were a couple minutes before the movie started, so we whispered quietly as the theater filled.

Whenever I giggled at something he said, he would get a dream-like look in his eyes and he would smile widely.

The opening credits started playing and the lights dimmed, hushing the room.

Two people carrying a bag of popcorn came in and sat in the row in front of us. I was so short that I now couldn't see. Leaning away from Edward, I realized I still couldn't see from that angle. I hesitantly leaned the other way, towards Edward. He lifted the arm rest up __and motioned for me to come closer. He wrapped his arm around me and brushed my hair over my shoulder. He then leaned down and touched his lips to my ear, whispering something about me being short. I smacked his arm softly, but then kissed it and laid my head against it, looking up at the giant screen.

Any time blood would pour and splatter over the screen, I would close my eyes and wince. Edward would whisper that he was sorry, but I really didn't mind. I just was grossed out by the blood and murders.

Once, I had my eyes closed and he leaned down to kiss my cheek. I had jumped, causing him to chuckle at me. I glared but then smiled and kissed him in approximatly the same place he had kissed me, causing his grin to widen.

I had never been more happy in my entire life. This happy feeling was different than the happiness I had as I laughed my guts out with Angela and Alice, it was new and spread warmth through me. I knew I was becoming addicted to that feeling, but hopefully, I would never have to live without it.

When the movie was over, we walked back to where his car was parked, and we climbed in. I rubbed my hands together as they stung with slight numbness from the chilly air. Edward grasped them in his own hands, kissing them both softly before turning on the car and cranking up the heat.

"When we get back to the house, Alice will probably force me into my room for a while, but I'll come downstairs at some point, so if you can, stay awake and wait for me," he said. I grinned and nodded, eagerly awaiting the chance to sleep in his arms.

We talked aimlessly again on the way back to the house, but every now and then, we would slip into conversation about how everything was different now that we had each other. I truthfully loved every minute of my time spent with him and I was falling deeper and deeper into Edward, and I let the warmth I had felt earlier consume me as a smile that would surely be stuck to my face for years to come got wider with each passing minute.

It started pouring down rain as we pulled into the long driveway of the Cullen's. He parked the car out front and kissed my knuckles.

"Remember, I'll come down later if everyone else is asleep, but if I get caught, we didn't plan it at all and I'm just getting something to snack on, deal?"

"Deal," I replied. He kissed me on the lips once before we climbed out of the car. He hurried around to my side and then pushed on my back. "Run, Bella!" I laughed as I let him push me forward, trying not to trip on the wet ground. Rain soaked our hair by the time we made it to the door and we were both out of breath and laughing.

He unlocked the door and pulled me inside as we braced ourselves for an Alice and Angela attack. It didn't come. The house was silent except for our breath and the dripping of water on the floor.

"Let's get out of these clothes and then we can find everyone else," I suggested. He nodded and we he waited for me to gather the stuff I wanted from my bag and then we climbed the stairs together. We broke away from each other at the door to his room, me going into the bathroom across from his room, him going into his room. I changed as quickly as possible, but he was still done before me. We heard sniffling from Alice's room and we headed down the hallway in that direction. We still hadn't seen Esme and Carlisle, and they weren't in their room when we passed it.

I hesitently knocked on Alice's door and it opened to reveal a very grim-faced Carlisle. The smiles left both Edward and I's faces immedietly.

Alice was sitting in the corner of her bed holding her striped pillow close. The look on her face contrasted with the room, which was bright green, so much that it seemed she was a picture that had been photo-shopped into a random background.

I made my way over to her and Esme and Angela who were all sitting with her on the bed, touching some part of her.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked softly.

"Jj-asp-errr broke up. With me," she said in burst, sobbing. I wanted to hug her but there wasn't enough room for me to squeeze. I touched her arm softly and gave her a small, weak, smile.

"You can tell me about it later if you want to. Or, we can go beat him up." Angela nodded fiercly and Edward stepped closer.

"We know where he is, and it wouldn't be hard. And I _did_ tell him that if he hurt you, I would hurt him," he stated.

All eyes turned, shocked, to him. "You did?" we all asked at the same time, surprise evident in all our voices.

"I did. See, I do care about you, Alice." He smiled at her too and sat down on the edge of the bed next to me, placing a hand next to mine on Alice. Esme stroked the short hair out of her eyes motherly.

"You know what? We need hot chocolate. That'll make you feel better, Ali. Everyone downstairs," Carlisle said. Edward and I stood up, and then I helped Angela off the bed while Carlisle helped Esme. Angela and I helped Alice up, and then we both enveloped her in a hug.

"We love you, Ali. We'll always be here for you, no matter what."

"Thanks, everyone," she sniffled as we made our way downstairs, helping her like she was fragile and could fall apart at any moment.


	18. Chapter 18

_**I'm always apologizing, I know, but I can't help it. I feel bad for having to make you all wait for an update, especially since there really isn't much to be waiting for (I always have short, sucky chapters, but I don't have time to make them longer and the suckiness cannot be helped.)So anyway, here it is, sorry if it depresses you. Just remember that I have a reason for all that I do, and you will see how it turns out in the end and you will hopefully forgive me. And, I know at some point in the near future, you will want to scream at all the characters for being stupid. Feel free to do so. **_

_**Kasey**_

_**PS (and PPS, just for the sake of annoying certain losers that like to be jerks): this chapter is also dedicated to the number 17, and the original readers that know what I'm talking about here. **_

Edward and I set up a movie and spread blankets on the floor while Carlisle and Esme made the hot chocolate. Alice stood in the corner staring blankly. Angela stroked her short hair softly, whispering comforting words.

Carlisle and Esme came in with the steaming mugs, balancing them carefully. They set them down and told us not to spill them. They then kissed Alice on the head, Carlisle first, then Esme, causing her to widly look around the room, struggling to catch her breath.

Her parents looked at her worriedly but exited the roon with concerned looks on their faces. I continued to stare at Alice's heartbroken face, and my own heart broke for her. How could Jasper do this to her?! Hadn't he said he had loved her! I wanted to hurt him, badly. Looking at Edward, I saw that his eyes were flared with anger as well.

As I stared into his eyes, I had to chastise myself. It would hurt Alice to see Edward and I together, ignoring her in her time of need, in the same room. I got up and helped Alice to the sofa, where she curled into a ball.

"Alice, drink your hot coco... it's got extra marshmellows..." Angela encouraged.

Alice shrugged and sat up to reach for her mug. She sipped it with no expression on her face and then she curled back up into a ball. We put her pillow on the other end of the couch and wrapped her blankets around her, making it clear that she should strech out and take up the whole couch. Angela sat down on the floor next to Alice's legs and Edward and I nestled together on the other end, on the floor by Alice's head.

Throughout the movie, we all shot Alice concerned glances. She seemed to be an empty shell, lost and searching for something that she new she wouldn't find. I couldn't imagine the pain she must be feeling, the loss and the hopelessness.

Seeming to sense my thoughts, Edward pulled me closer to him, tightening his grip around me and kissing my forehead.

cooliolinethinigieee...

When the movie ended, and the remainder of our hot chocolate was cold, I glanced around the room. My shift caused Edward to wake from his almost-asleep state. Angela was sprawled out on the floor, fast asleep, and Alice was staring at the credits with glazed eyes.

I got up from Edward's grasp.

"Alice..." I leaned around Angela to try and get closer to her. "I know everything seems horrible right now, but please remember that we'll always be here for you. We'll never leave you, even if you want us to. You're stuck with us for life." She attempted a chuckle, but it was more of a splutter, and it was obviously forced.

She nodded her head once and then stood up, stepping over Angela. She picked out a random movie and put it on. I hugged her gently. She leaned towards my shoulder and let a few tears escape.

"I'm so sorry, Ali, so sorry..." I murmered, not knowing if I was doing any good.

"It's not your fault, Bella," she whispered back in a broken voice. She pushed away from me and drunkenly walked back to the sofa, and curled onto it.

As soon as I got close enough to him, Edward yanked my arm and pulled me down towards him, pushing his face into my neck and breathing in my ear.

"Do you have any idea how incredible you are?" he whispered.

I had no idea what he was talking about. I shook my head at him.

"Later," he said, and then he turned his attention to the opening credits of the random movie Alice had chosen.

A few minutes later we heard her snoring lightly; she had tears drying on her cheeks. How could Jasper have done this to her?! I thought again. How can love like theirs go away, just vanish? If Alice and Jasper were broken up, then how was there any hope for the rest of the world. Alice and Jasper had seemed to be made for each other. They were perfect. I couldn't comprehend how their relationship didn't exist anymore. What had happened to change Jasper's feelings?

"Bella," Edward whispered in my ear again. I had been so focused on Alice that I jumped when his warm breath touched me, and then I shivered. "How can you do this? It has to be hard for you too, seeing your friend this upset. How can you manage to stay so strong, my beautiful Bella?"

"I have to. She's one of my best friends. She needs me to be strong, so I have to be. I know she'd do the same thing for me, if I were in her situation. I need to comfort her until she is able to start healing. It is hard, but I can't let her down." He shook his head at me.

"You are amazing." I shook my head this time.

"No I'm not. I'm a horrible friend to her, I mean, I do things that I know will hurt her feelings, and I'm not sure if the things I'm doing now are hurting her and everything I say could make her more upset. I'm not amazing in anyway at--" he cut me off, pressing his lips to my own. I kissed him back; kissing him was already natural instinct, it was like we were perfectly in tune with each other.

He pulled back, both of us breathless. "Don't lie, Bella. You're doing the best you can."

"But what if its not good enough?"

"It will be. Stop worrying. Everything will be fine, you have to believe that. And stop talking about yourself badly, I can't stand it. I like you for who you are, and I care about _you_, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not allowed to think like that." He wrapped his arms tighter around me to emphasize his point. "And," he whispered, "No one else will talk bad about you either, I won't let them."

It was one of those moments where you wanted to pause the screen and go "awww.... he's so protective of her, isn't that sweet?" and I almost did comment on it, but instead, I just smiled and kissed him sweetly.

"Fine, I'll believe you for now, but only because you said it." He nodded.

"Good."

We watched some more of the movie before a random thought strayed into my head.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"As much as we would all like to kill Jasper, please don't hurt him; it might upset Alice."

He sighed. "You're probably right, but I still don't understand how he could do that to her. He's an idiot moron for doing that. Him and my sister had something special, and when he realizes his mistake, it will be too late. God, how could he be so stupid? So blind to his own self? Bella, I promise you that I will never do that to you. I won't make that mistake, I couldn't handle it if I lost you due to my own stupidity," he ranted.

"If you do the same thing, I'll wait for you. If you have a laspse in thought, and you make a choice you aren't happy with concerning us, I'll always be waiting if you change your mind. Unless... I'm not what you want, then, I'll move on, or try, but know that a part of me will always be with you."

"And I you," he said. I pulled my self, if it was even possible, closer to him and leaned my head against his chest, loving the closeness. He kissed my forehead.

"Sweet dreams, my Isabella."


	19. Chapter 19

_** those of you that saw the movie, what did you think? BTW, did they ever actually say that Angela was Angela because I don't remember if they did or not. Anyway... here it is, PLEASE don't hurt me**_

_**Love you all, oh and I'm almost at 200 reviews (well, not really...) ! Make it be so! 200th gets their name in the chapter, or a sneak peak or something. AND I think I'm going to do the same for whoever has the most awesome review, so even if you're not 200, review, and you can be in the running for Most Awesome Review. Oh, and I finally got my 100th review for Seeing Double... it was for chapter 17. lol. **_

_**: ) Kasey **_

It was slightly cold when I woke up in the morning. I wasn't used to the cold, having grown up in Phoenix, Arizona. It seemed odd that it was already getting cold, although I knew it had actually been warmer longer this year. I shivered and pulled the sleeping bag closer to me, and leaned against Edward. Realizing that he was _really_ warm I scooted closer to him.

He muttered something in his sleep that I didn't catch and rolled over, facing me now. His arms wrapped around me and tightened, and he let out a sigh, and then his breathing evened out again. I watched him sleeping; the peaceful look on his face soothed my own stress about Alice. I still didn't know how long it would take for Alice to be okay, or what would happen, but I knew that I needed to stay strong for her, and with Edward with me, I would be.

A strong gust of wind blew through the room and I shivered again, curling closer to Edward's side instinctively. Alice walked into the front door and then frowned more than the unhappy look that was already on her face when she saw Edward and I.

"What were you doing outside? It's cold," I asked her.

"I went for a walk."

"Without a jacket? You're always colder than me, you must be freezing."

"It's feels colder in here than outside, and I can't really feel anything," she answered.

I looked at her, concerned. For a second I wished I wasn't in Edward's arms so I could give Alice a hug; she looked like she could use one.

"Hey, Alice," I said quietly as she came closer since I couldn't move. "I don't know how long it will take to be okay, but I know someday it will be, and we'll always be here for you. Don't give up, you can't do that. This world needs an Alice, and right now you're not acting like yourself. _He_ is a fool. _He_ made a mistake and one day he will realize it, but you have to live your life until he does, and when he does, you have to decide what your going to do. Don't let him affect you like this; he's not worth it, not after he hurt you like that."

"Bella, you don't know how hard it is, what it feels like. I don't know _how_ to stop letting it affect me. I've tried, but it's just too soon. Thank you for being here though. You didn't have to stay."

"I know, but I wanted to, and I promise it wasn't Edward that kept me here."

"Good thing, 'cuz I would've had to beat you if he was," she attempted to laugh, trying a little too hard to be herself again. If it wasn't for the circles under her eyes or the slump of her shoulders, it would have been a perfect representation of what she was like when she was happy. But I could tell the difference, and I felt so helpless knowing that nothing I was doing was going to make her feel any better-- only Jasper could do that, and he wasn't coming back. He was an idiot, and I again wanted to hurt him for hurting my best friend.

Angela yawned and kicked out of her sleeping bag.

" 'Morning, Alice, Bella," she said. "So, can we beat up stupid-head now?" she asked Alice.

"No. You cannot beat up Jasper. I still love him, even if he doesn't love me." She sighed. "Now if you were referring to Edward... go ahead."

"Hey!" I said, glaring at her.

"What? He _is_ a stupid-head!"

"He's smart and you know it."

"Yet he can't wrap a present and asks where stuff goes everytime he puts away dishes despite the fact that he's lived here all his life."

"Well, he's a guy, what do you expect?"

"Are you calling your boyfriend an idiot?" she mock gasped.

"He's less idiot than most, but yes, I am. All guys are idiots, you just have to accept it."

She sighed, her mood darkening again. "Guys _are_ idiots," she muttered. Angela nodded and moved closer to where we were sitting.

"Maybe one day they will realize this, and bow down to the female race for protecting them all these years from their own stupidity," Angela joked. We all laughed, knowing that it would never happen.

I continued smiling, seeing Alice laugh. Edward mumbled something again, and we all giggled.

"I didn't know he talked in his sleep," I said to Alice.

"He doesn't usually, he just mumbles. I can never make out anything he says," she pouted.

"I can't believe he's still asleep," Angela said.

I looked at the glint in her eyes. "You may _not_ wake him up!"

"Protective, are we?" I smiled, nodding.

"Well aren't you protective of Ben?" I asked her.

"Sort of," she blushed. "But I feel like I haven't been with him long enough to be allowed to be protective." She shrugged. "Oh! I forgot to tell you guys," she then cringed mumbling "please don't hurt me," jokingly and then continued. "Ben asked me to go over to his house and study together!"

We squealed. This woke Edward up, and he rolled over, blinking his eyes.

"Girls are so strange," he said, smiling at me.

"Of course we are," we all said.

"And I think they're small brains are connected!"

We glared at him. He looked up at me innocently. "I'm sorry, please forgive me, Bella?"

I shook my head. "You know you're smart." I shook my head again. "Yes you are, and you aren't allowed to say otherwise."

"Says who?" I countered.

"Me!" came three voices. I sighed, giving up for now. I was never going to win this one.

"Fine, I forgive you, but Angela and your sister probably don't."

"Eh, who cares about them." I slapped his shoulder. "Fine, fine, I do! Sorry Alice, sorry Angela. I will again repeat that I am a moron."

"You are not," I said to him. "If you are, than I definetly am." He shook his head this time. I rolled my eyes.

Alice leaned back against the sofa, staring out the window. I hated not being able to help her, not knowing what to do. I could only hope that what I was doing would be good enough.

cool-line-thingie

We ignored Jasper in school the whole next week. Then, he was gone-- disappeared, not in class, which hurt Alice even more, and almost sent her into depression. We found out later that he had moved. Could that be the reason he left Alice? We still didn't know and he had made no contact with any of us to try and tell us anything.

Alice was doing her best to cover up what she was feeling, but those closest to her could tell that she was struggling everyday, trying to live in the present, not thinking of the future, and definetly not of the past.

We were now sitting in the hallway, in a little nook thing, talking before class started. I leaned closer to Edward, tired. It was Monday, and I had slept little, worrying about life, and trying to get over the weekend hyperness that only existed in my mind since I had done nothing but write a little, and read a lot. Looking around at the circle of people I called my best friends, I could see dark circles under all of their eyes. Alice looked the worse out of all of us. She almost looked like a hungry vampire; her eyes were dark with purplish bruises under them, and she had a pale sunken look to her.

Edward slumped further down and sighed, looking sad.

"You okay?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"Just tired," he said. Then he lowered his voice, glancing at his sister. When he saw that she was talking to Angela about something, he leaned even closer to me, whispering in my ear. "She cries all night, and when she does sleep, she wakes up screaming. I don't think she got more than two hours of sleep last night, and this night is just like others. It's not healthy. I'm really worried about her, Bella."

"I am too," I whispered back, again wishing I knew how to help my friend. I was glad I had Edward, but I knew that the same thing that Alice was going through now would happen to me if I had to live without him. It was a bit pathetic how much I already depended on him to be even slightly happy. I used to have occasional bad days that looked especially dreary, where everything seemed to go wrong, at least every two weeks, usually more often, but I had only had a quarter of _one_ since Edward and I started going out. I still remember the exact words he used when he had asked me out. It had been the Monday after we had kissed at his house.

_Angela started towards class and Alice turned towards her first class._

_"You, come back here," Edward said, tapping me on the shoulder. I slowed down again and stopped, turning towards him. "Um, will you be my girlfriend?" he asked._

_I almost squealed. "Yes!" He nodded and gave me a hug._

_"Sorry if I'm not good at this, I've never done this before," he said._

_"Me neither," I replied._

_"Sorry it took me so long," he apologized again. He sounded sort of like me... "And I'm sorry I kissed you like that. It was rude, and while I don't regret it and I'm glad I did, I know I shouldn't have." _

_I smiled. "You have nothing to be sorry for," I said. I blushed. "I liked it." _

_He laughed and we started heading to class again. He gave me another hug before we parted. A huge smile was spread across my face and I felt as if I were walking on air. I was shaking with happiness, embarrasing tears of joy in my eyes. _

I smiled, thinking of the memory. It was so simple, just weeks ago. Angela got up so she could walk with Ben to class, leaving just Edward, Alice, and me.

"Dang it," Edward said to himself, staring at his stack of books, looking exhausted. "Forgot my book," he mumbled. He then walked to his locker down the hall. I turned to Alice, hugging her.

"Alice, you don't look very good. Have you been sleeping?" I asked, knowing the answer already but wanting to see if she would deny it.

"A little." And she used to yell at me about not getting enough sleep!

"Ali, you need your sleep. You can't do this to yourself. I know it's hard, but you have to let go and live for yourself only. Living for someone that isn't here isn't going to do you any good."

Her tired eyes flashed slightly, and she broke, the sleepless nights catching up with her.

"You don't know anything, Bella! You don't know how I feel, and you can't tell me how to live my life. You're already going out with my brother, you've got the '_perfect _happy little life' going on in your own world. But in the real world, Jasper's gone. He was my only comfort through all of this, and it's like you dont even care anymore, Bella!" she snapped at me.

"How can you say that? You're one of my best friends!"

"And whose your other 'best friend'? Edward? Jeez, Bella, you care nothing about me, drop the act. You didn't even tell me that you liked my brother, and then I walk in on you _kissing_ him. What kind of friend does that? And now all you do is hang out with Edward, and you're always with each other, acting all lovey-dovey. It's sick. And it hurts. _I_ used to have that. And now I get it thrown back in my face! Everytime I see you and Edward I'm reminded of Jasper, and it hurts Bella! You don't even _notice_! You say that you care and you want to help but you ignore the things that are making me most upset. So don't even try to say that you would never hurt me, because guess what? You are!"

She stood up and left, without glancing at me again, one single tear falling down her face as she walked towards her first class.

I stared after her, replaying the words she had said over and over. As the water filling my eyes spilled over, someone brushed the tears away and helped me stand up, grabbing my books. I recognized it as Edward. He looked at the clock, then lead us down the hallway so we wouldn't be late to class.

"I heard what she said," he told me. "She had no right to say any of that to you. She shouldn't be taking out her pain on you, it's inexcusable."

"But it's true," I said and I turned into my class, without giving him the hug I usually did, and without saying goodbye or telling him to have a good day.

My thoughts, Alice's words, and Edward's face plagued my mind all day, diverting my attention.

Alice apologized in Spanish, and told me that I was lucky to have such a protective boyfriend (apparently he got really mad at her for this morning) and said that she knew she was lucky to have him as a brother despite the fact that he was the most annoying thing on the planet and then told me that I needed to appreciate him, in case it didn't last, because nothing was forever.

Everything was back to normal (well, the new normal, with the less hyper Alice) and Angela and Alice and me played cards instead of doing homework all lunch class, and Edward hugged me whenever he saw me in the hallways and it was like nothing had ever happened.

Except it did. And it couldn't be normal when everything was wrong.


	20. Chapter 20

_**And the most awesome review award goes to... (lol, drum roll please...) **_

_**goalicego! Remember, leave an awesome review, and you could be mentioned here! Oh, and I know you all are capable. There are 78 people that have this story on alerts. Please get me to 200! **__**Oh, and I am sorry for this chapter. Please don't hurt me. **_

Kasey

I had been thinking all day, and I knew what I had to do. When Edward walked into the Chemistry classroom, I took a deep breath. Setting his books down on the lab table, he bent to give me a light kiss.

He then wrapped his arm around me and leaned against me, I think trying to comfort me. It did comfort me, but it also made me feel worse. I let myself give in to instinct and leaned back towards him, putting my head against him for just a second.

"Edward?" I asked him.

"Yeah, Bella?"

"Do you think that maybe you could come over today. Just for a little while?" I asked softly.

"I don't think anyone would have any specific objections to that. I'll drop Alice off at home and then drive by. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," I found myself saying.

My body was starting to turn against itself. I could literally feel time passing. I wanted it to slow down; I wanted it to speed up. It was pulling my insides in different directions and it was making me feel slightly sick. My head felt split open and a headache pounded it into a pulp. It felt like mush and added to the sick feeling. I felt as if something was missing, and I felt completely whole. I knew there was a part of me that was currently happy, but most of me wasn't, and that part completely ruled everything else. Wanting to curl up and sleep, I let the class blur. I almost felt as if I would never wake up if I went to sleep, or more like I didn't want to wake up. While dreams could not rival reality, my dreams were better.

There was nothing real in dreams. I loved the real aspect of my life, or at least I did, but now I knew that my dreams would be better. They couldn't compare to the parts I loved about my life, but they were what I wanted them to be. Dreams didn't usually hurt you. They took what you wanted most in life, and gave it to you. The fake was never as good as the real, but eluding the pain outweighed it. I was jumping off the board, diving into an ocean of pain, and hoping that the pain would cause a coma where I did nothing but live in my dreams. At least that's what it seemed like.

That thought, the power to destroy yourself, was powerful. I could feel it pulsing within my brain. _Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. _I was going to cause myself unimaginable pain, and I knew it. My body rebelled against it, fighting off the thoughts, fighting off what it knew had to be done.

Before I knew it, class was over. Time had gotten away from me again—outsmarted me.

Before leaving, Edward gave me another hug and leaned in towards me to tell me something.

"Everything will be okay, Bella, I promise." I nodded, realizing that he actually cared for me, making my thoughts conflict even more. _You should never make promises that can't be kept. _"Bye, Bell, see you soon." He kissed me once, glancing at me with a look I couldn't comprehend. His eyes were dark with worry but also reflecting that he truly cared about me. The way he looked at me broke my heart earlier than planned.

I felt horrible walking from Chemistry. I didn't care that the rain was drenching me, I was too distracted to notice. Walking to my old truck, I let the despair overtake me for a minute before I had to pull myself together. If I didn't now, I wouldn't go through with it. The truck rattled noisily when I turned it on. I was glad for its lack of speed as I drove to the home I shared with Charlie.

Of course, Charlie wasn't there when I got there, and I knew I only had a few minutes before Edward would be there, thanks to his driving. I walked up the stairs to the bathroom there, setting my books down in my room across the hall. Staring at the mirror, I saw how pale I was. I looked as sunken as Alice had. I silently let a tear fall down before I splashed water on my face. After I dried it off, it looked like I had a bit more color than I did.

"Pull yourself together, Bella," I told my reflection.

I heard a car door slam lightly and there was a knock at the door a few minutes later. My time was over.

My lungs felt non-existent as I walked down the stairs, but I could feel them again as I opened the door to see Edward. His hair was a little damp, and he was smiling slightly, looking at me, wondering why I had asked him to come over.

As he looked, something flashed through his features, and he pulled me into a hug. "You okay, Bella?" he asked me, probably noticing the dull, deadened look in my eyes.

I didn't answer immediately; I just enjoyed the hug while I could.

"No." I finally said, very softly, hoping he wouldn't hear.

He pulled me over to the small sofa in the living room, shutting the door behind him.

"Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help?" I could see how much he really did want to help. How much he wished I would look happier. How much he wanted to show me he cared.

I couldn't stop the tears then. They burst out, uncontrolled. Why? Why couldn't everything be normal like it was a few weeks ago? It was perfect then. It hasn't been the same since Jasper broke up with Alice. She could have gotten over that, but she didn't. It was my fault she was hurting more than necessary over this. All my fault. Everything she had said earlier was true. I needed to stop hurting people, but in order to do that, I had to hurt two more people, one being myself.

I let myself be comforted my Edward a little, soaking his already rain-wet jacket he had yet to take off in my tears.

I took one more deep breath, in preparation for the figurative suicide I was about to commit. Not to mention a homicide as well.

"Edward, everything is going wrong and it's all my fault. I have to stop it, slow it down. I need to do something about it before I hurt everyone more than I already have. It needs to happen now before it's too late. I-I, I think we need to take a break from each other. I need to be a good friend and help Alice, and you and I are only hurting her more. I don't want to do this, and that's the worse part. I know that I would never willingly choose her above you, and that's why this needs to end. I'm forcing myself to make the right choice. I need you to stay away from me. Forget about me. Let the memories of us fade, or at least push them to the back of your mind. I'm so sorry."

I don't think any of that came out sounding right. My voice sounded hollow and broken. My breathing was ragged, and I found myself wanting to hold onto my head to keep it from spinning.

Edward just stared at me. Finally, comprehension of what I was saying washed through him, and horror crossed his face.

"No, Bella."

"I have to do this, Edward. I, I'll miss you, so much. I lo-I'll always care about you, but this can't happen right now. It's just bad timing. I need to be a friend to one of the only people that has ever been there for me."

"What about me, Bella? I've been there for you?"

"Alice has been there longer," I choked out.

"Let me help you through this, Bella. Please don't do this," he begged. My heart, shattering in a million pieces, beat unevenly.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It's not right. I'm a horrible person for not realizing it before. I need to end this before it gets to be too much. Right now, I think I'll survive losing you, but I don't know how long our relationship can last before that changes. Please just go. I don't want to change my mind. Please respect my wishes."

The pain filled the room, coming from both of us, both of our broken hearts and shattered relationship.

He grabbed my face and kissed me—hard. "Good-bye, Bella."


	21. Chapter 21

_**A/N: SORRY!!! PLEASE don't kill me! I currently enjoy life! I have plans for this story, I'm sorry. This was completely necessary, and while I can't be positive, I think you are going to like where it's going. Just give me a chance, and please keep reading. And also, REVIEW! I would love it if you would review!!! Pretty please with vampire Edward on top? Or just chocolate and sugar and a whole bunch of other sweet things for you Jacob fans? (meh. Jacob. I didn't say that...) **__**Oh, and the most awesome review goes to... **_**Aeieo! **

Time, which had been so stressful for me before, now didn't matter at all. I could no longer feel it passing, and I had no clue how long it had been. Edward and I ignored each other is school, and we only talked when it was necessary. I focused all my seemingly non-existent energy on Alice and trying to make her feel better. It was difficult and a lot of my energy instead went to my will-power to stay away from Edward. I had to constantly remind myself of the reason I left him in the first place. The hardest part was that Alice disagreed with this. But I knew it still bothered her, so I didn't do what I wanted most.

_"Isabella Swan!" Alice yelled into the phone. "What the hell do you think you're doing?! Are you insane?! Have you lost your mind?!" _

_I answered with a meager "yes." _

_"What are you thinking?! What happened? Did he do something to upset you, because I'll hurt him if he did."_

_"No, Alice. He's perfect. It's not his fault. It's mine, this was all my decision." _

_"Well because of _you_, Edward is yelling at _me_. He kept pounding on my door yelling that it was all my fault. He wouldn't say anything else, and now he won't talk to me. Or come out of his room...." I gasped, my heart hurting slightly, my head throbbing painfully from a stress induced head-ache. "And I don't think he will forgive me either," she sighed. "This is just great, everything is going wrong. Why did you break his heart, Bella?" she asked me. _

_"For you. To make you feel better," I said softly and then hung up the phone. I couldn't talk to anyone about this. _

I tried not to let my mind wander too much, but I couldn't help it sometimes.

My body was betraying me. It didn't seem to work as well anymore. Everyday, I had to tell myself not to run to Edward-- not to fling myself at him when I was near him.

Chemistry was especially difficult, sitting so near him. We ignored each other, only talking when necessary. Our whole day as spent like this.

I went out of my way to avoid eye contact and he no longer sat with us in the morning. I felt like I had ruined his life. He was avoiding everyone else because of me.

Alice never mentioned it again after the day she yelled at me. She seemed happier-- she was mad at me for it, but I could tell she felt better because of it. Even if she didn't want to admit it and denied it in her mind, some deep, sub-conscious part of her felt better and I knew why. She felt as if jasper had abandoned her, hadn't chosen her, and she felt unwanted. I chose her-- my best friend-- over her brother-- my boyfriend-- and so she felt wanted, like she was chosen first. She knew it was wrong, but she's only human and that's how she thinks. She felt bad about it, guilty. She knew it was wrong, but that couldn't change her hidden feelings. She talked to Angela about this and Ang told me.

Angela wasn't the same as Alice and she kept trying to push me back towards Edward. One time we were at Alice's house and Edward had been in his room doing his homework.

_"You're both idiots! You _morons_! Don't you get it?! You two are made for each other! Why are you two being so blind and _stupid_?!" Angela ranted at me, knowing that Edward could hear her upstairs._

_"You know, this isn't making me feel any better, Ang," I told her. _

_"_I don't care!_" she yelled. "You would feel better if you would stop being so dumb!" _

_"I did it for Alice." _

_"I know, Bella," she sighed, suddenly quiet and defeated sounding. _

_"Thank you," Alice said meekly. _

I scolded myself for letting my mind wander again. I would never feel any better if I kept letting this happen. Deep down though, I didn't know if I would ever feel better.

Trying to distract myself, I turned on the radio. School was now out and we were on break, making it harder for me because there was more time in the day open for my mind to ignore me and my thoughts to roam freely. I had always disliked breaks, but this one was terrible. I needed something to occupy my mind, something to keep my thoughts in a specified place, not running wild. The holidays had lost their cheer, and I was in no mood to celebrate.

I was grateful that Charlie had never really into celebrating; we never did anything major.

The holiday music floated through the air, but it did nothing to raise my spirits. I curled into my bed, shivering. As the lyrics swirled in my brain, I thought of Edward, defeating the purpose of the music but still numbing my brain with pain.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree_

_I won't ask for much this Christmas  
I won't even wish, oh I wont even wish (I wont even wish for snow)  
I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe  
I won't make a list and send it to the North Pole for St Nick  
Won't even stay awake to hear the magic reindeer play_

_Cause I just want you here tonight,  
Holding on to me so tight  
What more can I do  
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, oh baby_

_Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas  
This is all I'm askin for  
I just want to see my baby standing right outside my door_

_I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you, you, its you, you, oh baby  
All I want is you  
You, you, you, you, you_

EPOV

I used anger to cover up the pain I felt that had surfaced when Bella said 'goodbye'. I couldn't deny that I cared about Bella and with her gone, it hurt. I knew that she cared for me as well, and that's the part that was killing me. Maybe I was stupid for not fighting for her, but currently I was trying to respect her wishes. If you cared about someone, you had to be able to let them go-- or so I'd heard, and I was trying to do that.

_I hope Alice feels better because of my misery_, I thought bitterly. I took a deep breath, attempting to calm my thoughts, and I thought of Bella. I turned the radio on, wishing I was with Bella.

_I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
Baby all I want for Christmas is you_

_  
I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need  
And I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree  
I don't need to hang my stocking way above the fireplace  
Santa Clause will make me happy with a toy on Christmas day  
And I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, you baby_

_Cause I just want you here tonight,  
Holding on to me so tight  
What more can I do  
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, oh baby_

_Oh our lives are shinin' surrounding everywhere  
Where the sounds of children's laughter fills the air  
And everyone is singin' oh I hear those sleigh bells ringin'  
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need  
Won't you bring back my baby to me_

I missed Bella desperetly, and the holidays couldn't be happy without her. I thought of how I had hoped to do things with her over the break, but now that wasn't going to happen. I hated this so much. _And it was all Alice's fault_.

I knew it wasn't really, but I couldn't help but thinking that, and I took my anger out on her. I wasn't angry at Bella, wasn't sure if I ever could be, and I think I was more angry at myself. I felt as if there could have been something I could have done to stop her. Maybe if I had been a better boyfriend, or possibly a better brother, then this wouldn't have happened.

I realized how masochistic I must have been to keep thinking about it, but it wouldn't leave my mind and it was all I could do to function properly, with my head so stuffed with her words. I also often replayed Alice's words when she had been mad at Bella, but I continued to think it was somehow my fault.

I knew there was a way to end my pain, but I figured this was the best (well, worst) choice. What I need to do is talk to Bella, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't stop thinking that she might hate me for it, and that she needed to make her own decision. I was trying to do things her way, and it was incredibly hard.

'What ifs' ran through my mind constantly too. What if I went over there right now and told her how I felt about this? What if I had told her then? What if I had comforted her more that day? What if I had helped Alice out more, opened my eyes to see that she was hurting that much and maybe stopped this?

I wanted to know, but knew I never would. Now, I pondered over why I was feeling _so much _pain in Bella's absence. How much did I care for her? I had never thought of this before, and had never really felt the need. God, why didn't I just go over there right now?

I punched my pillow. I was so _stupid_. Why was I hurting myself like this when I could stop it? Human nature rebels against pain, so what was my problem? _I could stop this_. But I wouldn't.

_This is for Bella. This is what Bella wants, _I told myself. _No it isn't. It's what she thinks she wants and you can change that_. I pulled the pillow I had just beat up over my head, trying to shut my thoughts up. What was I going to do?


	22. Chapter 22

__The rain poured down as I stared out the window. The gloom over came me and I seemed to sink deeper than I had been before. I missed Edward-- so much, and this pain was all my fault.

I had been able to deal with it slightly before... I had been able to see Alice almost everyday, see the smile she was faking without her own love, and I could remember why I had made this sacrifice, but now without that I felt worse than before.

I didn't have friends to force me to laugh, although it was mostly Angela making us laugh... neither Alice nor I were that happy, and I also didn't catch glimpses of Edward. Sometimes his face kept me going- he didn't seemed too burdened by the lost, he looked fine to me, and I kept telling myself that he was happier without me. But now the look on his face when he said goodbye kept haunting me, and I knew I was at least partially lying to myself.

I was almost ready to just _run_ to his house, but I knew that would be stupid. The pain I put myself through and the strain on whatever relationship we could have, Edward and I, would be pointless, and it wouldn't do any good, and it would just put us worse off than wherever we had been.

I sighed, thinking over the complicated mess I had created. I could place the blame on Alice, or even Jasper for that matter, but I knew it was all my fault. The wind started blowing, and the tree outside scraped at my wall, its branches squealing against the glass of my window. The rain, blowing sideways now, splattered against the window, blurring and smearing my view into nothing but shining green and grey blobs.

As I cringed away from the sound, it just filled my head more. It combined with what Edward's face had looked like when I told him goodbye, and it just swirled around and around until I couldn't take it anymore.

I threw open the window, and leaned out, gasping at the cool air that was just above freezing—warm for Forks. The rain blew past me, soaking my face and hair, but I barely felt it. It numbed me even more, but because I could still feel _something_ the numbness felt all wrong. It suffocated me almost more than what was inside my mind, because I was welcoming it. I knew it was wrong. I felt horrible and twisted inside for wanting to get rid of thoughts of Edward and my mind refused to let him go. It plagued me, tore at my insides, clawed at the inside of my brain, begging for attention.

It buzzed inside me, swirling, swirling, attacking, until I thought I would go insane. I finally broke. Leaning more out the window, I broke down, and I let the tears fall down my face as I realized how stupid I was being.

"Oh Edward, what have I done," I cried. As the sobs shook me, I deteriorated even more. I detached from my body almost and soon I heard the most horrible sound, and then I realized it was me, and I was sobbing out screams of frustration. _What have I done, what have I done, what have I done, what have I done_ droned over and over again in my head and I couldn't stop it.

"Edward," I said, and it sounded like a whisper, but it echoed like a scream and I couldn't tell which it actually was, only that it started repeating over and over again. Then I got worse.

I saw him.

Standing there.

In the rain.

Right underneath my window.

And he was saying my name.

Staring at me with his bright green eyes. His bronze hair, soaking wet sticking to his forehead, was darkened by the rain. He looked up at me, and I saw his mouth moving.

I tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but I couldn't. All I could do was think "wow I have finally lost it. You've gone insane, Bella, way to go…."

"Bella!" I swore I heard him call. His mouth continued to move, but his voice was lost in a gust of wind, and I was nowhere close to a good lip reader.

I sobbed his name again. He disappeared, and ten seconds later I heard a knock at the door. My breath caught in my throat as I gasped.

I made my way down the stairs, being careful not to fall with my eyes blurred.

I opened my door, and there stood what I thought had been an illusion outside my window. It was Edward, dripping with rain water. I stood there in shock as he stepped in and closed the door, preventing the storm from spraying inside.

"Edward," I whispered.

"I can't stay away from you any longer I can't live without you. I love you, Bella," he said.

I couldn't come up with the words, couldn't make my mouth work. Finally I mouthed, "I love you too." And then he pulled me into a deep, send tingles down your skin, light you on fire from the inside out, burning in flashes, a searing fire that was ice cold and scorching hot at the same time, kiss. And I completely forgot all of my problems, and I could focus on nothing else but Edward as my fingers wrapped themselves into his wet hair, and it was perfect for a moment.

_**So, hope you liked it, sorry it took so long to put out. I'm torn between asking you to review a lot, and not, because I have someone that really wants to be my 200**__**th**__** reviewer. I'm sure he'll survive if he's not though (I'll love you whether you beat the people that review at 2 in the morning or not! Lol) so, I guess, review, and let me know I didn't lose you! **_

_**Love, **_

_**Kasey **_


	23. Chapter 23

_**A/N: So.. to make it dark, to make it not? … Again I apologize for not updating. I realize the cure for apologizing so much is to not do anything worthy of apologies but… life is hard sometimes. We'll just have to see what the characters want. It's no good to choose for them. And so what if there's a difference between what they want and what they need… it's not right to choose for them, they're grown-ups, they can make their own decisions. No need to be an Edward-like author… (sorry sorry sorry!) K, anyway, leave me a review and let me know what you think of the story. It's coming to an end… can you get me to 300 reviews? I think you can… please? And yes, I know it's pathetic to beg for reviews, but you know… I'm pathetic anyway, so. **_

_**Kasey**_

_Previously: "I can't stay away from you any longer I can't live without you. I love you, Bella," he said._

_I couldn't come up with the words, couldn't make my mouth work. Finally I mouthed, "I love you too." And then he pulled me into a deep, send tingles down your skin, light you on fire from the inside out, burning in flashes, a searing fire that was ice cold and scorching hot at the same time, kiss. And I completely forgot all of my problems, and I could focus on nothing else but Edward as my fingers wrapped themselves into his wet hair, and it was perfect for a moment._

For a moment. Just a pretty little moment. And it all crashed back down from the clouds it was floating in the second my rational thought caught up with my actions. Pushing him away, I walked around him to the door. Slowly, I opened it, my eyes stinging and a piece of my brain screaming at me.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this. That was wrong of me. Just leave," I said softly as I opened the door. His eyes lowered, glaring, but he stepped back out into the rain. I sighed, turning away and went to shut the door. In a very cliché like manner, he stuck his foot in the door, blocking its closure and keeping the barrier from getting between us.

Grabbing my wrist, he yanked me outside.

"Ugh, just go away. You didn't have to get me wet," I said angrily, trying to take my own self-induced hurt out on him.

"Bella this is just stupid. Stop it."

"I see no reason to. This is for the best. And besides, high school relationships don't work out anyway, it had to end sometime. Just give up."

"Not when it had just started! And you didn't have to end it early!" he yelled.

"And what about Alice?" I demanded.

"Well, what about her?"

"You know she doesn't approve to begin with, and then seeing you happy when she isn't is just not fair to her."

"So she won't see us," he responded.

"Keeping secrets from my best friend? Right, great idea. You're an idiot. You just don't understand, go away."

"I will not go away until you give me a good reason why we shouldn't be together. So far you're just making up excuses. If you don't like me, tell me, but considering I think you do, there's another reason. Could it be that you're afraid?"

I didn't answer.

"I can assure you I will do my best not to hurt you. But you're never going to get anywhere in life if you don't take chances. Sometimes you just have to run, jump, and trust that the bungee cord is attached."

"And if I fall to my death?"

"Someone will be there to catch you, death won't be necessary, especially not because of me. I won't let that happen."

I shivered once, but other than that, I ignored the rain. I looked down to keep my eyes clear, and to keep from catching Edward's eye.

"Bella, be selfish, you can't give up everything for someone else if that's the story you're sticking to."

"I've been selfish. I had to stop, it was only hurting people." I looked up at him, to plead with him, try to make him understand. That was a mistake. Pain was visible in his eyes, though he quickly hid it.

"But now you're hurting _me_," he said quietly. "If you won't do this for yourself, do it for me. Bella, I care about you, so much, and I can't stand seeing you miserable. I know I made you happy, I could see it, and forgive me if it sounds vain of me to say that, but I was _good_ for you. And I enjoyed it. So, make me happy. Alice still isn't happy because of this, you can't make her happy, but you can make me so happy. Do what you can and forget what you can't."

"Edward."

"Bella," he responded stubbornly.

"Ugh," I groaned. "Stop it. Stop trying to change my mind. You know this is best, so just _stop_."

"No, Bella, _you_ stop," he argued.

I got the sudden urge to hurt him and hurt him badly, he was too convincing and my will that was already weak was getting weaker. I was about ready to say "screw Alice" and throw the whole plan to hell for the demons to snack on. And then the idiot went and totally killed all my thoughts.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'll go, but when you can't sleep at night, just remember I'm thinking of you too. Have a good life I suppose. I'll work on getting over you, thanks for the pain, it was great while it lasted," he guilted.

"Damn it, Edward! Don't you _get _it?! This isn't about me and you, this is about Alice. Until we can fix her, there's no use making it worse."

"Bella, you are. She's blaming herself for your unhappiness as well as her own, this isn't helping," he told me. I still don't know if he was lying or not, but that was all it took to completely break me down.

"It's… not?" I asked, my voice nothing but a whisper.

I sank down to the ground not caring I was getting muddy, I was already cold and drenched with rain water anyway. Thinking back now, it was a little dramatic of me, but it was all I could do as exactly how stupid I was being hit me like a spun-out car going seventy hits a side rail.

"So, I just hurt everybody, for nothing?"

"Bella, you know I didn't mean it like that."

"But it's true."

He grinned slightly. "I'll forgive you if you'll take me back."

"How can you smile at this! I'm nothing but a giant glob of skin, bones, blood and destruction!"

"You were doing what you thought was best. The thought behind it was sweet and despite the fact that it didn't work, the point is that you'd hurt yourself to help your friends, and that makes you a good person. And I wouldn't care if you were a bad person, Bella. Love is unconditional."

"With conditions kept of course."

"No silly, no conditions. I love you for you, no matter what you do."

"That's dangerous."

"Yeah, well 'love is giving someone the ability to hurt you but trusting them not to'."

I laughed slightly. "Where'd you get that from?"

"Internet. I googled it," he said in a mocking tone.

"Ha, are you turning into a girl? 'Hi, I'm Edward and I look up girly love quotes in my spare time.'"

"Hey, I wouldn't have so much time, but its break, there's no school to occupy my time, you'll have to forgive the lack of things to do."

I laughed with him again, feeling bi-polar for the emotional switch.

"So, would you take me back? You know you want to, just look how loveable I am," he said, grinning a crooked grin and holding his hand out to help me up.

"What a gentleman," I said as I took his hand. Feeling like a cliché again, I let him wrap his arms around me as I leaned my head against his chest. Gently grabbing my chin, he tilted my face up so he could softly kiss me as the rain poured around us. Since when did I become the star of a chick flick with a cheesy ending? _But it's not the end yet_ my head reminded me.

A dark car, spraying water as it drove past a puddle, slowed to a stop outside my house. Edward tried to ignore it, but I pulled away, looking to see who it was.

A spiky haired pixie like face with sad eyes and smile on her face stuck her head out the window and into the rain. "Edward! Mom wants you home, oh and Bella, glad to see you're not being stupid."

"Well tell her I don't want to go home."

"Well I want you home," she responded. "I have something to show you." She smiled and the sadness seemed to disappear from her eyes.

Edward sighed. "Just tell me what it is, Alice. I'm kind of busy."

"I can see that," she said, and I blushed, attempting to step away from Edward; he just held me tighter. "Bella can come too."

He sighed again. "Fine."

"Bella, go change or you'll catch a cold, we'll wait for you, I promise." I ran inside, quickly changing out of my wet clothes, thinking of some way I could make it up to Alice for being so horrible but unable to stop smiling.

As I came to the door again, Alice was outside the door holding an umbrella. "Smart," I commented. Trying to be more serious, I looked at her. "Alice, I'm sorry, and if there's anything I can do—"

"I know," she interrupted me. "It's okay now Bella." Confused, but unable to argue, I nodded.

She pushed me towards the car and I climbed into the back seat, a wet Edward up front. Driving slowly on the slippery roads we finally made it to the Cullen's house. Ready to sprint towards the porch and cover from the rain, I opened the door. Edward laughed as he passed me, chuckling at my slow run. I glared at him. I got there only about a second after him, there was no need to laugh. Jerk.

"Kidding, Bella," he said, responding to me glare. "You better be," I told him, laughing as well. Alice danced out of the car, her umbrella opened again, and I noticed again how it seemed her sadness was slowly disappearing.

"Patience is rewarded. You could have waited for me, you know, and then you'd be dry."

I looked sheepishly at my feet and she giggled. "But I forgive you." The door opened behind us. I stopped laughing as I saw a tall, honey-blond young man standing at the doorway, his gaze only on Alice.

_What the hell? _

_**A/N: oh, and please don't hesitate to check out my story "The Sky Cries For You". It's my favorite, and no one has reviewed it. **__****__** Please? And review! **_

_**With a cold heart, I love you,**_

_**Kasey**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**-taps computer screen- anyone in there…? Helloo? **_

_**Really, **_**two**_** reviews?! I know you can do better than that. Please? I realize I'm a horrible person for ot updating, but still! Even if it's a flame, just let me know you're reading! That I have a purpose! Because right now I don't feel so… needed. Oh, and to settle something… do you care about me, or the story? Be honest in your answer. Read the author notes (which I took out, btw) or read the story? And would you care at all if I did or didn't like Edward? **_

_**Quote of the day: I missed 11:11 by one minute last night; I guess that's fate's way of telling me you just aren't worth wishing for anymore. –unknown**_

_**And yet I still do… we'll see where that gets me (don't comment ,anyone, it will get me no where it's stupid and only hurts, and as long as I keep missing it by two minutes as I've done for the last four days, it doesn't matter. But, do any of you reading this make wishes? And if so, what on? ) Sorry for the long note.**_

_**Without love, the world looks too bleak, so I love you,**_

_**Kasey**_

"Surprise!" Alice yelled after a few moments of both of us just staring at the man in the doorway with open mouths. "Jasper's back," she said in a manner that hinted she wanted to be excited, but that our reactions were dimming that, so it came out like a question of "should I be excited?"

I shook my head once.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. Alice looked surprised.

"You're not going to say hello? That's rude, Bella, even for you," Alice said.

"Alice, you know you don't mean that, stop that," Edward defended.

Jasper looked down. "I don't think I can explain it well enough right now."

"Well then leave." This was beyond ridiculous. Jasper couldn't be back. You can't just flip a switch and say "oh, I was just kidding about the whole 'break my girlfriend's heart and leave her and everyone one else I'm close to without an explanation or any means of contacting me' sorry for all the mess I've caused, let's forget about it, oh, and I'm leaving again on Tuesday." Well, maybe not the leaving thing again, but he hadn't told us why he was here yet, so I didn't know.

He looked hurt, and the bad side of me thought he deserved it, but the rest of me just wanted to know why he was here, and a part of me was glad for Alice's sake he was here.

"I'll explain later," he said. "Can't I just…visit now? I haven't seen any of you in what feels like forever."

"And whose fault would that be?" I asked.

"Um… My dad's?" he questioned softly, joking.

"Well you could have called," Edward said. Alice was glaring angrily at both of us.

"So, Alice, do you know why he's back?" I asked her, guessing the answer already.

"Well, no… I came to get you as soon as he got here. I thought you'd be excited." Her tone was hurt.

"Have you lost your mind?! And you're excited to see him? For all you know he could be back to say 'just wanted to get my CD I left here back, have a nice life, see ya!' Do you remember at all what a mess you were because of him? You're only going to get hurt again when he leaves _again_," I yelled at her. Jasper and Edward were staring at me, but Edward looked like he agreed, Jasper just looked… pained.

"Lost my mind, lost my heart, whatever, so he took my heart with him when he left, and maybe it feels good to have it back, even if it's only for just a little while. Don't judge me, Bella."

Edward stepped in before we could really start fighting. I sighed. It seemed I was fighting with everyone.

He pushed us all further inside the house, pointing towards the sofa for us to sit down. He went and grabbed four cans of soda and handed them to each of us.

"Okay, we're going to talk like civilized people," he explained slowly, like we were small children getting disciplined. Though I suppose we were acting like little kids.

"Jasper, I'm glad you're here. I've missed you. How have you been?" he spouted off.

"I've been hell."

"Nice answer," I muttered under my breath. Edward elbowed me.

"So where have you been?" Alice asked him, her tone curious, with an undertone of wanting an explanation. He left the explanation out of his answer, unfortunately.

"Texas."

"And the reason you are here now is…?" Edward wondered, his voice impatient at Jasper for making us ask so many questions and not just telling us already.

"Because I wanted to come back, and I wanted to be here for Christmas. I finally convinced my parents to let me come."

I was utterly confused. He made no sense at all. Wishing I could read his mind, I stopped myself from blurting out a million questions. What was the point in asking anyway? He was being too cryptic. I considered smacking him over the head and calling him an idiot, but I knew Alice wouldn't take that well. I made a mental note to talk to him privately, or at least nowhere near Alice, so I could tell him what I felt he needed to hear.

"You do realize you're not explaining much," Edward tried to laugh, but it was a very unsure one… I don't think any of us had thought about whether the situation was funny or not.

"I know, but I need to work out what I'm going to say and how before it comes out wrong."

"Good luck with that," I said. Alice was sitting there quietly, I guess doing the same thing as Jasper… waiting for something to say at the right time.

"Hey, Jasper?" she asked him softly.

"Yeah, sw--," he cut himself off. "Alice," he finished.

"Do you think later we could talk, just you and me?" She sounded nervous. Even though I thought she was being crazy, I felt her pain, and felt sorry for her. Poor Alice. I didn't know what to do to comfort her, and that made me feel horrible. Like a terrible, nasty, never-wanna-have friend.

"I'd like that," he said. He turned to us again. "And I will explain everything later, but for now, can we just put it on the sidelines. Or you know, close the scrapbook for a while and put it back on the shelf… we can come back to it later."

"Sounds like something a therapist would say," I laughed, trying to work with him to sort of change the subject. We _would_ make him talk later. But I guess for now we could just… be friends and friendly. I knew Edward would want the chance to talk. Jasper was his best friend.

He looked down, ignoring my comment. We soon completely changed the subject, but the evasion just made me more curious as to what he had been up to in his time gone.

We managed to joke and laugh like nothing wrong had happened and it was months before any of did anything to add to the mess we were in, but working our way out of, now. Somehow, we forgot for a few moments, and that was one of the best feelings in the world. Forgetting something you regret or that you wished had never happened, it was indescribable. My mind was healed again, my smile was real, and I had nothing to worry about. I felt carefree, like I was in a different world, though I knew I'd have to step back into reality too soon. I had Edward again, for that I was grateful, but what about Alice? She was still going to hurt, and she still had things she needed to work out, and while this moment, the loss of memory, was cleansing, it wouldn't stay that way. All good things come to an end. And she'd be back where she started. And I still wouldn't know what to do to help her. I wished with all of me that there was some way I could make her feel better, that I could help her, but no answers had come to me yet.

Edward looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smiled at me. He grabbed my hand silently while we were talking, and it just added to the pocket in time that was glitched… the one that sent us backwards, and erased thoughts that made the air taste sour and the eyes water. The bubble that surrounded us, not yet popping. If only it could stay this way forever…

_**A/N: not my best chapter. Sorry for all the dialogue, again. Too much. For all you Shrink wanna-bes out there, please realize that this chapter had no intentional references to real life or my own personal feelings. Do not attempt to analyze it, your conclusion will be wrong. Not that it matters. Alice's POV next chapter I think. Review please. **_


	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N: New story up. Read it, it's amazing. Also, I'd love it if you'd read my non-reviewed story too. They are both pretty good, and that means a lot coming from me. I know you can do better with the reviewing. Please? This story over soon. I'll have another one-shot up soon as well, this time about Alice. Hope you enjoy. Again, not my best, but its … good enough I suppose. R&R? –hopeful smile-**_

_**Quote(s):**_ _**Used to... it's past tense, -softly echoes- **__**past tense**__**. In the past, behind you. It's not coming back and you realize it's all your fault. And you spiral downwards until you reach the bottom. From way down there, you can look up, see a touch of light far off from the darkness, and think **_**I used to be there**_**. **__**-- Me**___

_**Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head—unknown**_

_**A million more quotes like this on my profile. Ongoing project of mine. I think it's awesome, check it out and let the awesomeness surround you. Also, unanswered questions here… look at the last chapter, please. I'm looking for wishes and whether or not you care about what the hell I do. Please? **_

_**Because breaking's what the heart is for (All American Rejects), love you,**_

_**Kasey**_

APOV

_Jasper_, my mind whispered. It didn't make sense, I know, but somehow, I knew he was back for a good reason and that I'd be happier because of it. Some intuitive part of me just knew.

I couldn't stop the smile I felt inside, I felt like I was… glowing. But I kept it off my face, because despite what I thought, this could actually be bad news. Bella didn't understand, not really anyone did, but I had an irrational attachment to Jasper, and that wouldn't go away, no matter what he did to me. That would remain with me forever. Even if I did get over him, he'd still always be a part of me, and I'd never forget him. It would still hurt to look back on what are currently the best moments of my life.

Seeing Bella and Edward happy together was… confusing. I was glad they were happy, glad that I wasn't one of the reasons they were unhappy, but it still hurt, looking, seeing , and thinking _I used to have that. That used to be mine_. The reminder that it wasn't mine anymore sent a sharp pain through me.

I hadn't been dealing with losing Jasper as well as I should have been. I should have just accepted it, should have at least seen it coming, and even if I didn't, I should have put on a pretty face, smiled, and let everyone think I was okay, when in truth I was falling to pieces.

I needed to be careful when talking to Jasper, I couldn't let him see how bad I was really hurt. It would make him feel guilty, because that was the kind of person he was, and who knows what he would do then. I don't want him to be with me when he doesn't want to because he feels responsible for my pain. And I'd have to be extra careful… Jasper was sensitive to emotions, especially mine.

He didn't know I wished every night for him.

He didn't know I cried myself to sleep every night.

He didn't know what I'd done to Bella, or what it caused her to do.

And he didn't need to know.

Maybe one day, I'd tell him, when and if I moved on, though I had to I guess, because apparently he wasn't "the one", so I had to get over him at some point, right?

As the evening got later, the need to talk to him grew greater. Yeah, technically I was talking to him, but we needed to _talk_, to address the reason he was here.

My mom came out a few times to see how we were doing, I could tell she was nervous about me and how I was handling my heart breaker's return. When Dad dragged in from work, I decided it was time to end the fun, painless conversation and discuss what was going on.

Finally, Jasper and I went up to my room to talk, leaving Edward and Bella in the living room. We kept the door open. To me it seemed like it was an escape route if one of us needed it, and closing it would be like trapping us inside. It was safer if it was open.

"Alice…"

"Wait," I told him, holding up my finger. "Jasper, do you know what you did? Even if you didn't want to see me again, even then, you should have left us with some way to get a hold of you. You just… disappeared. We didn't know where you were or what happened to you. That's almost what hurt the most. And even if you didn't want to talk to me, you could have talked to Edward. For God's sake, you're his best friend! How could you do that?"

He sighed, searching for the right words to say.

"If I left a number, or an address, you would have gotten it. You would have tried to talk to me, and I couldn't let you do that… it just wouldn't work." A pain shot through me again, reminding me that we still weren't together, and we couldn't just kiss and make up after this argument, no matter how much I yelled. It was an argument where the outcome wouldn't matter. The only thing obtained from it would be answers. Especially since I would be the only one arguing. It was always like that. I would yell, he'd talk calmly, it just always was that way. And it always worked out in the end, no matter how angry I got.

"You don't know that," I said, though it was probably true. If he told me not to contact him… would I have respected his wishes?

"I know you, Alice, you would have. And I couldn't let you do that. I was trying to see if I could live without you. And, well, that wouldn't have worked out so well or been a very accurate test if you contacted me in anyway. And even if you didn't, talking to Edward would remind me. I was seeing how easily I could get over you."

"Obviously, it was easy." I was angrier than I'd ever been with him. "Why on earth would you do that, would you want to do that? You can't just play with people's emotions. You can't experiment on them. That's wrong and so messed up. Don't you get that?"

"Alice, where are you going to college?" he asked me, randomly.

"I don't see why that's relevant."

"You're going where you got accepted and where you've always wanted to go. I'm doing the same. Only, the colleges are on opposite ends of the country. There would be no weekend visits for us. At most, we'd see each other twice a year. And we're going to be busy, during breaks, if we get to come home and have the money to, we're going to see our families, even if we wanted to see each other, we wouldn't. My dad moved to Texas, low warning. My family's there, yours is here, it's not likely we would see each for things like holidays that are meant to be family affairs."

"What is your point?"

"When my dad told me we were moving, I used it as an opportunity. I didn't tell you. I made the worst decision of my life and broke up with you instead. Have you ever heard that long distance relationships don't work? We have over four years of that ahead of us. I wanted to see if I could live without you, because I know, without knowing what it's like to be without you, I'd never be able to make a relationship work through college. I'd give up, think it wouldn't be worth it, and I'd doubt my love for you, it'd be bound to happen.

"Trying to live without you… one was so I could know if I _could_, two, to see if I would be willing to do it, to save both you and me the pain of a long-distance relationship, and three, so that if I couldn't handle it and decided I didn't want to be with anyone but you, if I ever started to doubt something, during the long college years we wouldn't be together, I could look back and remember how painful it was without you, so I would know that I would never want to do that again, never want to live like that again."

All I could do was stare at him, I couldn't think of anything to say.

"And, it was option three. I can't and don't want to live without you, Alice. I want to make our relationship work, though it will be hard. I'm not sure if you feel the same, and if you choose to, you can end it at any time, like if you meet someone else. I'm yours forever, as long as you want me anyway. I'm sorry, Alice, but I don't regret it. I just hope you can forgive me. Do you think we can make it work?"

Still angry, I slapped him across the side of the head.

"You moron! That's the stupidest thing anyone's ever done for me. But it's also the sweetest. You hurt me, Jasper, badly, because I didn't see it coming. I thought you cared about me, and then you just left, leaving me with a broken heart. I never expected you to do something like this, and I don't like being taken by surprise. I thought we would always be together, and if we weren't, I would anticipate it, at least know something bad was going to happen, because I get those feelings, you know? But I do see where you got this from, and I can see your point. But still, it's only December, I could have been accepted somewhere else, changed my mind about where I wanted to go, if I decided I wanted to be closer to you, this whole plan of yours… it was idiotic.

"You do realize that I'm always going to worry about you leaving again, right? You may be sure of yourself, more than you've been, but I'm not as. If you can leave once without me seeing it, you could do it again. But I will try, Jasper, because I care about you so much." I took his face in my hands and kissed him once, hard on the mouth. It was like a trip to the past, before all this happened, and it was soothing to my aching mind.

"Jasper Whitlock, stupidest guy I've ever met, I love you."

"Love you, too, hun."

"A few weeks in Texas and you've already picked up an accent?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I've always wanted to see what a pet name would be like, it seemed an appropriate time," he said.

"Okay, I'll forgive the foolish acts of the past couple months on one condition."

"What would that be?" he asked.

"Never call me that again," I told him, laughing.

"Yes ma'am."

"That's better," I said, leaning in to kiss him again. Inches away from his face, a voice distinctly belonging to my mother cleared her throat in the doorway.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen, I was just, saying goodbye," he said, blushing.

"Goodbye? Where are you going?"

"Well I was going to go back to the house here, it hasn't been sold yet," he told her. He had told us downstairs that he was cleaning it up again, just to keep it nice until it was sold.

"Do you think we can pick you up for breakfast tomorrow morning?" my mom asked hopefully. She was so… cheerful. As soon as she realized Jasper and I were back together, she was done being concerned and back to loving him like he was her son, as she'd done in the past. Maybe she was a bit too trusting. Weren't moms supposed to be over-protective like "you broke my daughter's heart I don't ever want you back in this house again"? Well, I guess not, and I couldn't see her doing that, but a little bit less friendliness towards him? Oh well.

"Of course, Esme, I'll be ready to go. Just give me a call." He handed me a slip of paper. "My new number," he explained. I smiled at him as he stood to leave, stretching. I laughed at him again, my giggles echoing like the pops from his back through the room, something the walls were missing and had been without for a while.

He left the room quietly, leaving my mom there staring at me.

"Oh mom, that kid…"

"I know, believe me, I know," she said, walking over to kiss me on the forehead. "I'm glad you're happier now, sweetie."

"Me too, mom."

_**A/N: Aww… just writing what the characters told me to, plot line from months ago. I'm not sure what I'm doing next, maybe ending it. Probably. But I don't want to do that… sigh. Anyone out there that read 'Til You Fall, are you interested in me re-posting and finishing that? Also, is there anyone out there that would be willing to listen, despite what is said, because I really need someone to talk to. Any ideas on the story? Comments? Concerns? Answers to questions? Help? Review please. At least let me know you're still out there. **_

_**Kasey**_


End file.
